So, I haven’t had one thought about what to write about, but I know I want to write something. This ever happen to you? I feel like there is so much in my life that I want to talk about and contribute to the world, but I am always coming up blank.
Every now and then, I would get a notification on my phone that someone new has liked one of my posts, and I’m like damn, well maybe I should write today. I think the best way for me to overcome my blogger’s block is to be free flowing. Just let the words come.
Last night was my graduation at the rehab where i spent the last 14 months of my life. Jesus, 14 months in rehab and 10 months in jail – this was two years of a complete nightmare. And it isn’t even over yet. I have to wait to face a judge. I am not in the clear yet. However, last night the room was electrifying, and I was surrounded by my family and friends as I gave an amazing speech.
My fears are creeping in though. What if I am on probation? What if I go back to jail because the judge isn’t satisfied? And what of my husband? Stuck for an entire year already at a psych hospital awaiting the outcome of his charges, everything feels so up in the air. I envy anyone who has their family and a roof over their heads. I live in this sober living house with all this drama and politics and I wish every day for my own space to breathe.
My biggest fear is that I will fall back into addiction. That if my husband comes out it will be on that path again. I just want to be happy; I just want to be free.
I hope God is hearing my prayers.