The biggest positive change in my life has been my success over addiction. No drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, vapes, even coffee, porn, video games and sweets. How did I do this? I would like to say it was just will power, but it was substitution. I found things in my life I loved to do – whether it be writing, hanging out with friends, or just being lazy and watching TV all day.

The success that I feel is really over alcohol. That was the main one. I will be three years sober in three weeks, and even though I am still early in sobriety, I feel accomplished. I had spent so many years at the bottom of the bottle, that it took 10 months in a dirty county jail during COVID, 15 months in rehab and another 9 months in sober living, for me to finally “get it.” But I noticed that when I started really living again, that all the other habits that are addicting left me too. The other big one was porn. I had a porn addiction for the longest time, but with going to church every Sunday and finding real faith, that addiction left me too.

Look, I am not going to preach to you about God, but there is some truth to overcoming addictions through your higher power. You have to search deep within yourself to find Him and ask every day for the freedom from the thing that traps you in a vicious cycle. Finding my faith is the biggest advocate to me breaking the chains of so many addictions. Living a clean life isn’t boring either, I actually FEEL more in my life than I ever have before. I spent so many years being numb and high, I didn’t even know what it was like to feel real feelings.

I am the point in my life where I feel also feel kind of guilty for where I’m at too. My husband is out there in the streets tonight doing drugs and has been missing for two days, since the eclipse. It has been the hardest breakup I have ever had to endure, especially when I want so badly to help him and be a part of a loving marriage again. He loves his drugs more than me though, something that I have had to accept. I have also had to accept that even though I beat most of the common addictions, I am still addicted to his love that’s why every time I say I’m done, I end up breaking down and calling him. Being loved is the hardest addiction to let go of, but I think I am finally over this one too. I changed my number today, and I think I’m finally done.

It has taken a lot of strength and growth to get to this point, and it isn’t for the faint of heart. Some might find me cold-hearted or even robotic, but I assure you I am more emotional than you know- I just channel it in different ways now. I hope wherever you are you find your peace, just like I wish for my husband. But for now, I can say I am free from addiction.

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt

Describe one positive change you have made in your life.

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