So, today’s prompt is about when was the first time I actually felt like a grown-up, and I have to say it’s only been this past year, even though I am now in my mid-40s. Being in the mental health system and the drug addiction cycle for so long, and of course, living and mooching off of my parents for many years, I never knew what it was like to be a grown-up or experience independence – especially like the independence that I experience today.
It’s a lot more than just paying bills, rent, and taking care of yourself – it’s also about self-discipline and having self-control. I am off of probation now, so honestly, nothing is stopping me from getting a huge bottle of wine from the grocery store or kicking back with some mimosas on a Friday night. Maybe SOME people can do that, but not this alcoholic. I am not worried too much about going off the deep end and going on a drinking binge, but more how drinking again would interact with my bipolar medication which would definitely lead to mania, and of course hospitalization, which I can absolutely NOT afford right now.
The level of responsibility is heavy, but the rewards outweigh all of that. My own place, my own home, my own freedom – and most of all, having a beautiful guestroom in which my friends can come stay, (like this weekend and next weekend), is a feeling that is just irreplaceable. This is the life I prayed for. When I was little, I wanted the house, car, marriage, the whole thing, but God had different plans for me. I think of ex-husband often, and the crazy adventure that led me to North Carolina – through jails, institutions and rehab, BUT if it wasn’t for him, I would have never left New York and the horrible cycle of non-independence I was living in.
So yes, take the risk if you can – open yourself to new opportunities, and grow-up every chance you get – but honestly, I may say that, but I will always be a Toys’r’us kid!!
Stay tuned.
An Inspired Odyssey Through✨️Ink & Stardust✨️ 