So this is me. I took a bunch of pictures today in an attempt to break out of my shell and put my best foot forward for the new year. The last ten years have been littered with failed relationships, horrible dates, hospitalizations, bipolar hell, oh, and NO SEX – excuse me but how does one go a DECADE without sex and remain sane??!! And, not to sound conceited, but I am one hot piece of ass, so why the drought you ask?

MEN SUCK.

Sorry dudes, but you do. The horror show of online dating is what I have to show for my 30s, which I am SO GLAD I am not bringing into my 40s. Giovanni ended my no sex drought with a fucking bang, literally, and he wholeheartedly wants to marry me without question. X marks the friggin spot, done and done! But back to my men suck comment. Sorry guys, I didn’t mean it. Not all you guys do. I have met a lot of you who are wading that dating pool who are just as frustrated as we are. Did I mention I was in a hot/cold kind of on and off relationship with my best friend during the last decade of no sex and headache? So yeah, I am no saint mary. BUT I want you to know that IF you are going into the new decade with hopes of finding love in the online dating world – the only advice I would give you is DON’T SWIPE.

Stop the swiping.

Stop it.

Just stop it.

Delete the app.

Coffee meets whoever Tinder said to replace this app with.

Delete it.

Stop it.

For the love of God, stop the damn swiping.

I have to admit I avoided the whole phone app dating process altogether.  I don’t know how I managed it, or in what universe I was in, but I left it alone. I did everything through the PC, oh and Reddit, the black hole of the internet.

So I guess in the world of dating is not what I meant by not screwing up in this new decade. I want a career. Like a real-life grown-up one. I am almost 40 and have been wishy-washy about what the hell I want to do with my life for God knows how long. I about to come into a new chapter in my life, I have a man who wants to spend his life with me, (with drug problems, Jesus it’s never easy), and my family is moving way down South ripping my security blanket right from under me. I have to learn to stand on my own two feet, which ironically came so damn easy for me in my early 20s except, HELLO in 2004 when I was just 24 at the height of my Accounting Career I got slapped with a bipolar diagnosis, hospitalized an INSANE amount of times before anyone got my medication right, therefore KILLING any real chance I ever had of becoming successful.

HOLY FAILURE AND DISAPPOINTMENT BATMAN.

It’s amazing, isn’t it? We can never have it all. I bet you out there somewhere, there is a multitude of AMAZING people, singles, DYING to be in a relationship with the job, apartment, pet, and sane mental health who just feel so alone. Here I am with a man who loves me SO unconditionally, completely, is SO handsome, and accepts me for everything, but I have NOTHING. NO money, no career. And then there are all the celebrities, who have friggin EVERYTHING, but can’t get it together at all. How the hell did Whitney Houston’s daughter’s ex-boyfriend just die of a heroin overdose at 30? Look, I am not saying kicking a drug habit is easy, I am fighting it now with Giovanni, and my alcohol addiction was FAR from pretty – but I don’t know why or how we get so sucked into all this shit. No wonder we fail and disappoint ourselves so much – between drugs, alcohol, doctors, medication and everything else that just kills us on the inside, how are we ever supposed to find success and happiness?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, for 2020 and the dawn of a new decade, I am going to try to find it.  Sober with my fiance – his ass better remain sober too.

I am going to DO IT.

AND SO ARE YOU.

Cheers to success in the new decade!!