inspiredodyssey daily prompt

Conquering Addiction

The biggest positive change in my life has been my success over addiction. No drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, vapes, even coffee, porn, video games and sweets. How did I do this? I would like to say it was just will power, but it was substitution. I found things in my life I loved to do – whether it be writing, hanging out with friends, or just being lazy and watching TV all day.

The success that I feel is really over alcohol. That was the main one. I will be three years sober in three weeks, and even though I am still early in sobriety, I feel accomplished. I had spent so many years at the bottom of the bottle, that it took 10 months in a dirty county jail during COVID, 15 months in rehab and another 9 months in sober living, for me to finally “get it.” But I noticed that when I started really living again, that all the other habits that are addicting left me too. The other big one was porn. I had a porn addiction for the longest time, but with going to church every Sunday and finding real faith, that addiction left me too.

Look, I am not going to preach to you about God, but there is some truth to overcoming addictions through your higher power. You have to search deep within yourself to find Him and ask every day for the freedom from the thing that traps you in a vicious cycle. Finding my faith is the biggest advocate to me breaking the chains of so many addictions. Living a clean life isn’t boring either, I actually FEEL more in my life than I ever have before. I spent so many years being numb and high, I didn’t even know what it was like to feel real feelings.

I am the point in my life where I feel also feel kind of guilty for where I’m at too. My husband is out there in the streets tonight doing drugs and has been missing for two days, since the eclipse. It has been the hardest breakup I have ever had to endure, especially when I want so badly to help him and be a part of a loving marriage again. He loves his drugs more than me though, something that I have had to accept. I have also had to accept that even though I beat most of the common addictions, I am still addicted to his love that’s why every time I say I’m done, I end up breaking down and calling him. Being loved is the hardest addiction to let go of, but I think I am finally over this one too. I changed my number today, and I think I’m finally done.

It has taken a lot of strength and growth to get to this point, and it isn’t for the faint of heart. Some might find me cold-hearted or even robotic, but I assure you I am more emotional than you know- I just channel it in different ways now. I hope wherever you are you find your peace, just like I wish for my husband. But for now, I can say I am free from addiction.

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt
Describe one positive change you have made in your life.
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt

Being More Kind to Myself – Day Three No-Contact

It is no mystery; I am the queen of beating myself up. Whether I am calling myself fat and ugly or just plain unworthy, I wish more and more I could be more kind to myself every day. I started making a video diary of my life and how I am dealing with this breakup with my husband. Today is day three of no-contact and he is still leaving me voicemails about how he is blocked and that he knows I don’t want to talk to him anymore. I am hoping this stops over time, but I may end up having to change my number all together.

The fact of the matter is this man has been part of my life a very long time. and this “bully” as my therapist calls it, finally got quiet when my husband was in my life. The things I would say to myself in the past, and the way I used to drown in my sorrows was directly related on whether or not I had a man in my life – and these days the absence of my husband has me feeling relieved and at the same time, empty and hollow of that validation he used to give me. And then that “bully” has come back in full force telling me all the horrible things I hate about myself, which by the way, friends have reminded me these are things I would never tell anyone else about themselves.

I am not ready to find anyone else, but I do want to get into the practice of loving myself more. I wish I could get into the habit of saying nice things to myself every day. Why is that so hard? I have 20 things on my gratitude list, can’t I see how God has blessed me in so many amazing ways? I have a friend who told me that his main goal is to be where I am at in life right now. That is an amazing compliment. Yes, I am not rich, but I have all my needs met. I am comfortable, with amazing friends and family and I need to stop getting hung up on this whole “weight” issue and what I look like on the outside because it wasn’t an issue at all when my husband was in my life. Why does it take someone or something external to make me feel good about myself?

That’s one of the main things I wish I could do more every day – just be more grateful and accepting of myself in my own skin.

Stay Tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What do you wish you could do more every day?
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt, Life

Celebrating A 100-Year-Old Aged Icon, Like Fine Wine

What a life! Never would I have imagined I would have gotten here. I have faced madness, jails, institutions and death so many times over. Yeah, sure, you’ve lived almost 20 years in darkness, but that was just the beginning of what was yet to come.

You have faced such tragedy, but thank you for becoming kinder to yourself in your later years.

Thanks to the memories you learned to create, realizing that sobriety was the ultimate key to peace of mind.

Thank you for always remembering the people who made a difference in your life – all the letters you wrote to them, and all your messages and phone calls made such a difference.

Thank you for letting yourself love Giovanni so much. He didn’t want to help himself in the end, but you were able to love with him with your whole heart and he helped you experience love that was so deep that it lasted a lifetime.

And most of all thank you God for allowing me to live this long. To see everything as it became real, to see the world change from the 1980’s till now. To experience life in the fast lane, the slow lane, the crazy lane, the lanes without lines have been priceless, thank you just thank you.

You lived a good life Lynn, there will never be another like you.

Love always,

Me

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt
Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.
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inspiredodyssey Featured

I Learned the Quintessential Art and Practice of Gratitude

This seems like a beaten to death lesson, because everywhere you look, someone is saying the “attitude of gratitude” is the key to a happy life. But is it really? I have to say, YES. I have spent a very long time beating myself up, feeling the worst of the worst for my sinful nature, enveloped in my own sense of self. This self-serving way of living kept me locked in a box for 15 years – feeling so fat and ugly I couldn’t even function in society – well, jokes on me because I am 50 pounds heavier than I was then living the best life I could possibly live now! Who knew?

It all comes from the art of gratitude. It is, in essence an art. Today was a crazy day. It poured like crazy in my city and I was running around trying to get everything done. I had one of the most productive days of my life, but not once did I say a simple “thank you.” That’s my biggest mistake right there, and I am working hard at rectifying it. So, every day, I am skillfully homing in on my craft and recognizing how I can master this art.

I sent my husband away months ago and have been living the best life I can live on my own. The sense of independence is intoxicating, so much so that I don’t need any kind of substance to replicate the high of being on my own every day. My comfy bed, which used to be my nemesis because it used to beckon me at all hours of the day where I wasted away my life, is no longer an enemy, but a friend to be made pretty every morning so I can be welcomed at night. I make sure I make my bed in the morning now, so there is no chance I will find myself crawling back in it during the day. It’s little practices like that I have adapted which make me grateful for everything I have today.

I turn 44 this year. I was at a point in where I believed I needed to be married with a family so badly, that living on my own would be such a sad and lonely existence, but I think it was the unknown that I feared. This unknown territory is scary, (the lights went out for a few moments earlier this evening, and I panicked at being alone here in the dark), but again I am grateful the lights came back on and can practice at least ten more things I am thankful for before bed.

Gratitude is a state of being. Vibrations dictate that if you exude gratitude, positive things will come to you – that’s the most basic principle of the Law of Attraction which isn’t just some “woo woo” nonsense that I once thought it was. There is an art to this practice, that has to be done with care and love as if it is a child you are nurturing. You are nurturing your own psyche, telling the subconscious mind, (which is like a child), the most basic affirmations: “I am beautiful, I am a millionaire, I am happy” simple action statements which you confirm throughout the day with life’s little gifts. See affirmations don’t work if they are not confirmed. All you need is a speck of proof that these affirmations work by practicing the art of gratitude to make them a reality, or as close to reality as possible. The confirmation that I am a millionaire is the most basic. I am a millionaire because I live 30 minutes away from my loving parents and spent every Sunday with them. I am a millionaire because I have so many friends and people who love me when I never had a single friend all those years ago. I am a millionaire because I have no want or need, my bills are paid, I have a full fridge, and I wake up with no worry, not a single one. It may not be in “dollars”, but I am a millionaire, nonetheless.

I am a firm believer, (especially after reading some of my old blogs), that God has blessed me with the one thing I am the most grateful for: peace. All the weight I gained, all the bumps on my face, the clothes that don’t fit me, the guys that don’t look at me anymore, the empty bed, the scary nights when the power goes out, the nights of loneliness, all of that does not compare to the PEACE I have found. All those things are infinitesimal compared to the epitome of peace.

And how do you get that peace? Gratitude. Just that simple.

And that’s the last thing that I have learned, the most important lesson of my life.

Stay Tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What is the last thing you learned?
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inspiredodyssey Featured

Complaining about Not Getting The “One Thing” We Think We’re Missing

Always missing the target. Is this what we all do, like ALL the time? We don’t make enough money, we don’t have a partner, we can’t see to get down to an ideal weight, just mountains of complaints. But I think the big one is complaining that we are not happy.

Happiness is not something that can be obtained. I learned this through a lot of trial and error. There will always be something that we want or strive for, and we keep missing the actual blessings that we have already received. Have you ever noticed that we’re always trying to obtain that One Thing we think we’re missing? What I mean is, I have found myself in a situation with mourning over my failed relationship when I have so many other riches some people would kill for. I am living comfortably, with an OK job that pays the bills, I have a nice reliable car, some extra passive income, and my very own place with absolute peace of mind. So why am I beating myself up so much about this failed relationship?

It’s because it’s what we do, that’s why. The Human Condition is so effed up sometimes. I am literally tormenting myself to the point where my mental health is suffering too. I am not sleeping AT ALL, causing me more worry and heartache than anything else. And for what? For love? You guys don’t really know my story, but I have been chasing men for the past 20 years, hoping to find love so badly that I ignore everything else, including all the red flags. God has saved me so many times, especially through all the jails and institutions, and honestly, I need to start appreciating the blessings.

People keep telling me to make gratitude lists, but that’s not really my thing. Affirmations are a little better for me. It kind of solidifies the things I have trouble putting on the gratitude lists. But the complaining and the whining happens anyway. Sometimes I feel like a 4-year-old in an older lady’s body. What I do to myself is nothing less than a tantrum. So, today’s lesson is less complaining more thankfulness. I don’t know how well I can stick to it, but just for today, I am going to try my hardest.

Stay tuned.

Bloganuary writing prompt
What do you complain about the most?
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt

I Hope People Say I am Kind

What a wonderful thought isn’t it? Or wouldn’t it be? I know it seems a bit generic, but I believe kindness goes a long way. People aren’t kind anymore at all. In New York, where I am originally from, it is eat or be eaten or basically who can step on one another first – I just never adapted to that or was that type of person.

This daily prompt invoked a thought of a song I used to sing when I was younger that I loved from the early 2000’s; it was called “If I Die Young.” As I think about what I hope people say about me, I also think about what they would say after I die. Would they say nice things? Will people who I have harmed in my addiction and bipolar sprees come back and say I was evil and mean? I try to be a kind person these days, learning a lot from the mistakes of my past. It has a lot to do with being in recovery and remembering to make amends every day. It’s about taking an inventory at night of the wrongs that I may have done during the day and hoping to make it right tomorrow.

We often don’t think about stealing a screw at a Home Depot stealing, or cutting someone off in traffic because we can as a wrongdoing, but it is. And I’m sorry but saying “please” and “thank you” and even “God Bless You” is so important as well. I don’t think people even hold doors open for each other anymore. I don’t know what the world is coming to, but I am going to remain kind and continue to pay it forward for as long as I am alive. I just hope that is what people are saying about me at least.

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt
Tell us one thing you hope people say about you.
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt

Family Guy Strong since 1999.

When it first came out, I was astonished at how brazen it was. It was the dawn of adult cartoons and in this girl’s opinion it led the way. Sure, there were others that were out already that pushed the envelope, but there is no other cartoon like Family Guy.

Of course, growing up I had my favorites. There was He-Man and She-Ra, Thundercats and Voltron and there was even a time in the 90s when X-Men and Batman the Animated Series had my attention. But nothing has lasted the test of time like Family Guy. South Park was also one that I liked and comes in a close second, especially with it’s smart writing, but the loveable characters that I have grown to love over the past 10 years has only grown even further. With surviving cancellation back in 2005, as well as a lack of ideas in recent years, it still is my favorite show in which I can always watch classic episodes and find something funny or that I can relate to.

Even the musical numbers that used to annoy me, I now find heartwarming.

Cheers to you Family Guy and another 20 years in the making!

Stay Tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What’s your favorite cartoon?
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inspiredodyssey Life

Regaining my Freedom

My life has gone through so many ups and downs this past year, but the most important thing that has happened is me regaining my independence. Between jail, rehab and sober living, I had been living in close quarters to a bunch of women for the better part of three years. It had been daunting; no privacy, constant bickering, and personality clashes that got the better of me. But as God saw fit, and despite horrible credit, an eviction and conviction on my record, I had been able to get gainful employment and secure an affordable place to live.

With almost three years of sobriety under my belt, I learned a lot about myself in my recovery. I built a strong network of women that I could count on, and I also became very active in the Raleigh community. Even though I am more than an hour away from there now, I still hold onto the values from where I ultimately came from. It’s been a long road from the floor of that jail cell, where I remember being at the lowest point in my life, but today, I am looking forward to a positive future with much more positive events to come.

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What positive events have taken place in your life over the past year?
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inspiredodyssey love

I Want to Remember This Day

So many things, and so many blogs later, I finally have a day I want to remember. Looking back on all those years of pain, I have come to a precipice where I can finally say I feel on top of the world. I just had the best sex of my life tonight, and maybe it’s the overwhelming dopamine that has me so high, but it’s also the placement of all the chess pieces that are finally in place.

Things aren’t easy. Some days are tougher than others and living with my husband after being alone for so long is definitely an adjustment. But nights like this I want to remember and look back on as the reason why we both put so much effort into our marriage after all we’ve been through.

I look into his eyes, and I see the overwhelming love for me.

His kiss still gives me chills even after all this time.

I have walked through Hell and back with him – Jails, Institutions and Death as they say in recovery, and he has been at the center of my mind the whole time.

I have experienced things with this man that I have never felt with anyone before in my life – I walked through madness with him by my side, and he accepted me with my flaws and all.

He allows me to be myself, no matter how critical I see my shortcomings and supports me in all my endeavors.

I never got to say my vows to him like I wanted to the first time around, so I will solve that here.

With you my love, I can accomplish anything.

You make me feel alive again, after so many years living in darkness.

I worship you as my King, because you deserve all the praise in the world.

I take your kisses with me in my sleep, because your tenderness and kindness fill my soul.

You amaze me every time we talk because I learn something new and more interesting all the time.

I promise to love you always, to be the woman you always wanted and the wife you always dreamed of.

I will honor, obey and give you my all – promising to never go to bed angry like your wise grandmother always said.

Most of all, I will always be kind because you deserve someone who will always be true to your heart.

And your heart I will guard, with the chambers of my own, so that when we die in each other’s arms it will be after the satisfaction of the amazing life we had together.

My one true love, my one and only soulmate.

I do.

Stay tuned.

inspiredodyssey Life

When Life Shows You That You’re on the Right Track

So many times, we find so much to complain about. But thankfulness and being humble can lead to such a good life, if we just let things be. There is so much stimulation from so many devices and things even people, that we forget what it’s like to be still.

I have watched my life go up and down for the past three years like crazy. I watched myself brought to my knees at the floor of a jail cell, begging God for forgiveness and to help me through it. My mental health has been so fragile the past 20 years, I never knew when a switch would go off landing me in a manic episode and ultimately in a lot of trouble. That’s how I landed in jail in the first place. Not taking care of myself has always been my downfall, not because I didn’t want to, but I just wasn’t able to because I thought I knew everything.

That’s where humility comes in.

I am almost three years sober today, and I am still in disbelief of how much I have accomplished. My CPAP machine is a miracle, giving me the much-needed sleep I need to balance my mental health. The alcohol is completely gone from my life as well as the urges to drink out of the boredom I used to experience. My faith has never been stronger, and I am learning to let life show me the way and give up the control I was always so desperate to hold onto.

People say having gratitude lists and affirmations help you reprogram your mind – but I believe simple prayer helps that more. I am not religious, but I do have a strong faith. My faith was stronger in jail, but nowadays, even though I don’t rely on God as much as I used to, His presence is still clear and strong. My husband’s charges were dropped, and he will be coming home soon – something I am scared of because his addiction was much stronger than mine. But I believe if I let go and let God, things will turn out okay.

With a bad criminal record, eviction, and horrible credit, I never thought I would find a place to live. But I let go and took a chance and told my story to a nice landlord that’s willing to rent to me. I have a job in which I wasn’t asked to do a background check. I am beyond grateful for the blessings because of how the odds are stacked against me.

But my faith is ever strong. Life is so hard. I mean look at inflation, so many people are struggling, and I am thankful for having a good income despite being a felon. The world is in shambles, and everybody is just trying to survive. But I am doing more than surviving, I am letting life take the reins and letting go of the expectations and the assumptions that I used to have.

Just let go.

Stay tuned.