inspiredodyssey bipolar, Uncategorized

Nerves, Symptoms, & New Beginnings, Bipolar Doesn’t Have to Conquer You, You Can Conquer it.

me

It’s Sunday, and I still haven’t done my school assignments. Procrastination much? My boyfriend comes out of rehab Tuesday, and I am scared, excited, and nervous about that 3-hour drive upstate to get him. We’ve been through a lot in a short time, his extreme behavior battles with my extreme behavior both negatively and positively – and where most people would scoff and say our relationship is doomed – I am absolutely optimistic and know in my heart without a doubt that he is the man for me.

I’ve been doing well. After that last hospitalization (as traumatic as it was) was what I needed to jumpstart my life again after being dead and dormant for so many long miserable years. I’ve looked back on past blogs, and boy, was I fucked up. I spent nearly two decades drowning in alcohol, men online, dead-end jobs, and overall misery. Bipolar conquered me, the same way it defeats most people today. It’s the depression, it’s the mania, it’s the hopelessness that kills us every time – and when we finally are doing well, something Holy Unbelievable happens to destroy all the progress we’ve made. It’s this kind of destructive cycle that I had been faced with for all those years, and I think I have finally broken through all that horror.

Firstly, the key to my success is the right medication combination. I have admitted to myself that this combination of Respirdone, Lithium, and Seroquel will probably murder my organs by the time I reach 60, but there is really nothing I can do about it. I would rather have a full life in the next 20 years than live in misery and being symptomatic. This look at my ultimate mortality is what propels me even further, and makes me fully aware that because I have been taking these medications for so long, and my soon-to-be-husband is on just as much, we are probably both not going to live long. My goal is to enjoy every damn moment of life right frickin’ now.

I’ve also started working full-time and looking at a side business. I want to live comfortably, and I want to be happy, and I want my marriage with my man to reflect all that happiness in the short time that I have. I realize I may be overreacting and could very well live till 100, but I think the fact that I feel my life is limited, makes me appreciate every moment so much more.

Bipolar doesn’t have to conquer you – you can take that beauty, the thoughts and dreams you have in mania, and write it all down. Make art out it, create what the bipolar gift has given you, and enjoy your self-expression in new and exciting ways. I call it a bipolar gift because that’s precisely what it is – we see things others don’t, we experience realities differently than others, the rush and the excitement that we feel can’t compare to the most potent street drug and that high that people all over the world search for so much, we feel naturally because it is part of who we are.

Conquer the bipolar – go get that job, rip yourself from underneath the covers and sing, dance, or paint away all the pain.

My 40th birthday is coming in six months – I was just 24 when I was first diagnosed, and I lost 16 years in complete stupidness. Not anymore.

Stay tuned.

inspiredodyssey bipolar, Uncategorized

A New Year, A New Decade, And I am Trying My Hardest to Not Screw Up

20200101_153756

So this is me. I took a bunch of pictures today in an attempt to break out of my shell and put my best foot forward for the new year. The last ten years have been littered with failed relationships, horrible dates, hospitalizations, bipolar hell, oh, and NO SEX – excuse me but how does one go a DECADE without sex and remain sane??!! And, not to sound conceited, but I am one hot piece of ass, so why the drought you ask?

MEN SUCK.

Sorry dudes, but you do. The horror show of online dating is what I have to show for my 30s, which I am SO GLAD I am not bringing into my 40s. Giovanni ended my no sex drought with a fucking bang, literally, and he wholeheartedly wants to marry me without question. X marks the friggin spot, done and done! But back to my men suck comment. Sorry guys, I didn’t mean it. Not all you guys do. I have met a lot of you who are wading that dating pool who are just as frustrated as we are. Did I mention I was in a hot/cold kind of on and off relationship with my best friend during the last decade of no sex and headache? So yeah, I am no saint mary. BUT I want you to know that IF you are going into the new decade with hopes of finding love in the online dating world – the only advice I would give you is DON’T SWIPE.

Stop the swiping.

Stop it.

Just stop it.

Delete the app.

Coffee meets whoever Tinder said to replace this app with.

Delete it.

Stop it.

For the love of God, stop the damn swiping.

I have to admit I avoided the whole phone app dating process altogether.  I don’t know how I managed it, or in what universe I was in, but I left it alone. I did everything through the PC, oh and Reddit, the black hole of the internet.

So I guess in the world of dating is not what I meant by not screwing up in this new decade. I want a career. Like a real-life grown-up one. I am almost 40 and have been wishy-washy about what the hell I want to do with my life for God knows how long. I about to come into a new chapter in my life, I have a man who wants to spend his life with me, (with drug problems, Jesus it’s never easy), and my family is moving way down South ripping my security blanket right from under me. I have to learn to stand on my own two feet, which ironically came so damn easy for me in my early 20s except, HELLO in 2004 when I was just 24 at the height of my Accounting Career I got slapped with a bipolar diagnosis, hospitalized an INSANE amount of times before anyone got my medication right, therefore KILLING any real chance I ever had of becoming successful.

HOLY FAILURE AND DISAPPOINTMENT BATMAN.

It’s amazing, isn’t it? We can never have it all. I bet you out there somewhere, there is a multitude of AMAZING people, singles, DYING to be in a relationship with the job, apartment, pet, and sane mental health who just feel so alone. Here I am with a man who loves me SO unconditionally, completely, is SO handsome, and accepts me for everything, but I have NOTHING. NO money, no career. And then there are all the celebrities, who have friggin EVERYTHING, but can’t get it together at all. How the hell did Whitney Houston’s daughter’s ex-boyfriend just die of a heroin overdose at 30? Look, I am not saying kicking a drug habit is easy, I am fighting it now with Giovanni, and my alcohol addiction was FAR from pretty – but I don’t know why or how we get so sucked into all this shit. No wonder we fail and disappoint ourselves so much – between drugs, alcohol, doctors, medication and everything else that just kills us on the inside, how are we ever supposed to find success and happiness?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, for 2020 and the dawn of a new decade, I am going to try to find it.  Sober with my fiance – his ass better remain sober too.

I am going to DO IT.

AND SO ARE YOU.

Cheers to success in the new decade!!

 

 

 

inspiredodyssey bipolar, Uncategorized

Keeping it Together – Addiction and How Being in Love and Bipolar Sucks Horribly.

Drugs and Alcohol Addiction

Being away from Giovanni has been more than difficult. He NEEDS to be in rehab because things were falling apart, but what about my mental health? I have been falling apart fast and slow in the days he’s been gone, and with the aching in my chest, I am reconsidering my relationship with him.

Is this the right thing for me?

He has so many pluses in his favor. For one thing, out of all the men in my life, he has loved me the absolute most with such passion and desperate devotion that I have been looking for since I used to dream about Prince Charming when I was a kid.

Except Prince Charming didn’t do crack and cocaine.

FUCK.

The universe brought this man to me – in the worst of places – the psych ward – so I KNEW that he came with an unreasonable amount of baggage. He hid this addiction from me at first, in the fear that I would dump him because, in his eyes, I was the best kind of woman that he had ever been with – of course, I was – I ain’t no crack ho or street trash. I come from a good family, I am educated, and I am definitely employable – BUT I am a bipolar disaster with multiple hospitalizations and can’t hold a damn job for the life of me. So yes, I wasn’t a street ho, but I was still a mess – but to Giovanni, I was Lady Di compared to what he was used to.

In his own way, he was much better than I was used to as well – very attentive, sometimes overbearing, no desire to be online or play video games, has only eyes for me, and is just devoted in a way no man has ever been to me in my whole life. We are both bipolar, (he has some schitzo issues, but Invega shots take care of that), and we both were slammed together in the worst of situations. We are beautiful together, we even stay sober together because we don’t need any of that shit to enhance our relationship – the sex is better, WAY better sober anyway. It’s when I leave him and go home when the problems and the weakness to those street drugs happen because since he was abandoned to a Group Home – all that live there use all the time. He has endured a pattern of failure for a decade, almost as long as I have, and he turns to the drugs the way I used to drown in the bottle. My alcoholism was deep a few years ago- to the point where my mom found me passed out on the floor of the room and thought I overdosed on something – shit was bad.

I kicked my habit by pure willpower – and believe it or not, my parents AND the hospitalizations helped.  I was so tired of being a disappointment to my parents, and when I was in the hospital for months, I was just removed from the daily alcohol, and I just didn’t need it anymore. I am hoping by removing Giovanni from these drugs for a month will snap him out of it, even though his mom thinks he needs three months. Jesus, being away from him for three months, will absolutely KILL me, but if it’s for his sobriety, I will have to give in.

I didn’t want to date an addict. Hell no. But here I am.

It would be so easy to walk away from him if he was just his addiction – but he’s not, he’s so much more – He’s the man I love.

My bipolar madness better give it a rest until January 21st.

Stay Tuned.

inspiredodyssey bipolar, Uncategorized

Alone on Christmas – Want So Bad to Fall into Depression But I am Going To Do Something Different

Take Care of Yourself

I saw this quote on Facebook today, and it really hit home. I spent most of Christmas Eve crying, sleeping, and feeling sorry for myself. Through the stroke of sheer luck and maybe the will of God, I got to see my guy today when I dropped off cigarettes and money his mom gave me to give to him as he was being transferred from one rehab to another. Last night’s drama really ripped me apart inside – because when he called me and said he signed out of rehab and was walking the streets of Queens with all his bags, begging people to use their cell phones to call me and desperately wanting me to pick him up – I truly, truly wanted to pack a bag and just pick him up and drive into the sunset and never look back in the most romantic way possible.

But life teaches us that our consequences will bite us in the ass, which I have learned the hard way with my almost 40 years on this Earth. He is actually 40 years old, which makes me question his thinking, and when his mom kept calling me and texting me not to go pick him and leave him out there, you could actually hear my heart breaking. What I did was convince him to go back inside and work it out with them – he just desperately wants to leave and be with me, remorseful of all he’s done, and where I once thought our love could conquer anything, it can’t conquer his addiction.

I swore to myself I would never date an addict, especially since I abandoned my fiance when I was 19 to his addiction and moved on – I’m selfish and a hard person, and honestly I used to have a real problem with alcohol, so why would I take that on? You know why I am doing this now? Love didn’t just hit me this time – it straight up slammed me right in my face and knocked me over. I truly believe now that we don’t choose the ones we fall in love with – if we are looking, if our souls are calling out to the universe for the one who will complete us and ease the aching in our heart and when we get that true love, life shows us that holding on to that movie love is far from easy. I know I have movie love, only because we both are holding to each other so damn tightly – with a desperation that critics would judge us for – but dammit I fucking love this man and I am going to stand by him.

I’ve come full circle over the past 20 years, and I know that it won’t be easy. I might hate him, I might curse him, he may leave me crying on the floor to go get high – but I am in it for the long haul. Call it blind faith – call it being completely stupid – but this Christmas Eve, I am taking care of me – and while he’s been there and I’ve been waiting by the phone, instead of falling headfirst into a depression in full bipolar form – I’ve decided to write about it, stay active on a support forum, reach out to friends I haven’t spoken to in a while and keeping busy through Christmas. I may be alone without him and missing him terribly, but I did get to kiss him one last time for the next 30 days, and I am hoping he gets the help he needs.

Merry Christmas to you all, and if you have someone special in your life this year, please kiss them and hug them for me tightly – I wish so bad to be with my baby tonight and I am totally jealous.

Stay tuned.

inspiredodyssey love, Uncategorized

Why Loving an Addict Can Break Your Heart Painfully

Two broken heart crashing on gray BG

I have to do it – break up with him. I knew all the warning signs from the start, but as an alcoholic, I thought I knew how an addict thinks, but apparently, I don’t. I kicked my addiction, and to be honest, I don’t even know I did it – but living a clean life makes me feel like I deserve a clean partner.

I wasn’t supposed to fall in love. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with this man, but I did. They say you don’t choose the one you love, that fate brings him/her to you, and it’s all written in the stars, but what if the toxins of this world, (drugs and alcohol), ruin God’s plan for your divine love? I know he’s the one for me – only because I have been looking for him a very long time, and compounded on that it took me nine years to find someone who loved me enough and I felt comfortable having sex with, which by the way was fantastic with this guy.

But is Love enough? Is devotion and heartwrenching Love enough? I am sitting writing this piece this morning saying a firm “no,” it’s not.

Last month, I let him walk all over me when he disappeared a whole night and morning and probably sold the phone I gave him for crack, to this morning where he is gone again and probably sold the other phone I gave him because he ran out of money for his addiction. He got paid from his job early this morning (midnight Thursday/Friday), from a job which he also quit, and I am not about to stick around and watch him spend his last check next week on his horrible habit. I lived with an addict before, years ago (my first fiance), and now after 20 years, a man who finally wants to marry me again is a fucking addict too. I am so sick of this shit, this disease, this epidemic. Can I find a normal guy, please?

I guess it’s what the cards dealt for me. It’s interesting because this guy is really good looking, (another real first for me), and has an amazing family – I have gotten really close to his family and everything, I just wonder why he’s been suffering like this for so long with such a good background. Drugs can ruin your whole existence, and I know if I leave him now, he will probably get destroyed and do something worse. I honestly don’t know what to do, but I can’t be with a person like this. And if I take it to my grave that he hurts himself badly or gets killed while in the streets because of me leaving him, it will kill me inside, but it’s what I have to do. My heart breaks and suffers because that may be the outcome of our breakup, but that’s his choice. I don’t want him to suffer and drown, and as the tears fall down my face, I feel like I am suffering and drowning too. The fact of the matter is he doesn’t think of me when he has money and is using – nevermind the fact that I spend all of my money on us and he spends all his money on drugs without even a thought of me – it’s fucked up.

I need to be strong. Who knows? Maybe I need to be with my best friend upstate for the rest of my life? I don’t even know if that would be a bad choice, who needs mindblowing sex anyway – God I am so misguided and confused.

The facts are this person doesn’t think of our relationship – he puts the drugs first. He can’t help it, he’s thrown in addiction, but I won’t sacrifice myself and my own mental health to save him if I can’t save myself.

This has been a very intense two months, but I better get out before I get too deep.

I don’t even know what the hell to do with the Christmas presents I bought.

He thinks he can get away with this shit, I’m done being a pushover.

I wish it didn’t hurt so bad.

Stay tuned.

inspiredodyssey bipolar, Uncategorized

A New Love, Great Sex, And Fire Like “Love the Way You Lie” by Eminem

lust

I’ve never heard more truth in recent weeks, than a line from a song that goes, “That’s what happens when a Tornado meets a Volcano,” because it describes the kind of intensity and dysfunction of my new relationship. I have no business being with this man. He is a drug addict, a street thug, and everything I know in my heart I never wanted. But…..yes, there’s that BUT – the But is: the man loves me more intensely than any man I have never known in my life.

The sex is out of this world. The night we spent in a hotel a week ago, still plays in my mind of how he fucked me four times in one night without even breaking a sweat. The passion and intensity are real, and I wonder: Is it because we are both screwed up in the head the reason there is such fire between us? I am no one to judge anyone’s habits – I have spent the past decade drowning in bottles of Jack Daniels, frequent trips to psych wards, and not making a decent living at anything because I just gave up at life. I am no prize to be had by any man, and the man I loved for a decade always kept me at arm’s length, leaving the door open for this new love to swoop in sweep me off of my feet.

I love him, intensely too. My tears, when I curse at him, yell at him, he doesn’t fight back, which is a plus, he tries to reason with me is another plus. The most I have seen him angry at me is when he said to me: “I am going to put a fuckin’ gun to my head if I lose you, Lynn,” and in all honesty, I believe him. This relationship isn’t what I would call toxic; it is more explosive – our sex, our arguments, our passion, the intensity of his kisses – all of it – brings me back to wanting more and more. Maybe I am the drug addict too – maybe he is my cocaine and crack, and I just can’t get enough of the exquisite pain of this relationship.

He’s promised me that he’ll stop, but I don’t know if I believe him. If I abandon him, it WILL destroy him, so I have to push on and play Russian Roulette with him. He’s only relapsed once or twice in the past two months, so I thank my lucky stars that he isn’t a daily user like I was a daily alcoholic.

I think the fact that we are both damaged makes everything about us and our relationship ridiculously intense.

That and our Sex is on Fire. Literally.

Stay Tuned.

inspiredodyssey Uncategorized

Vulnerability in the Eyes of Judgement

alone-wallpapers6478339

I wasn’t going to talk about the fact that I have a mental illness for the purpose of this blog, but recent events (hospitalization) have changed that tune dramatically. I don’t think people realize the strength that is needed when you stay in one of those places for a long period, especially when it is against your will. There were nights where I just prayed to God to let me die and waking up in a foggy haze the next morning with a nurse ready to pump me full of medication.

It is an absolute nightmare, and more so, a humbling experience. I don’t accept the Bipolar diagnosis, but as I am approaching 40, I MUST. Some people have diabetes, my dad has heart disease, and I have something that impedes my most precious organ, my brain – trust me there were times I wished a heart attack rather than mental illness as crazy as that sounds.

I never had bipolar through my youth or my teen years, in fact, I did a lot of partying, and A LOT of drinking. The DRINKING was the beginning of the end for me because at 24 years old I went to a careless psychiatrist that gave me the pills that I added alcohol to that ended up serving me with this horrible death sentence – and for the past 15 years, I have been trying to crawl out of it. There is no end in sight, except I MUST take my medication like so many people these days have to do.  The hardest part for me is never understanding WHY. WHY is the question that I struggle with. I can’t stop my brain from breaking or the universe from cracking, so WHY did our Almighty Father hand me this ailment?? I have come to understand that He knows WHY, and I am not the one who had to understand that question yet. I follow God, whatever and wherever he takes me, and if he decided to test me in blood, sweat and tears in a locked padded room for two weeks straight, screaming bloody murder for someone to help me or even just understand, that’s the trial I had to face.

I am out now, with a chance at a new career and a new lease on life. I just know my brain needs to work with me now. No alcohol, smokes, weed, NOTHING. I need to lead a healthy life now because, as my mom said, “you fucked up the first 40, make the next 40 count,” and that’s exactly what I plan on doing. This shit is so hard, I wish to God none of you reading this has to endure this kind of emotional stress and pain – it’s so much pain, and it runs so deep tears are welling up in my eyes. It’s as if someone took a deep spoon and dug a hole straight into your heart, dipping into the most embarrassing, darkest and deepest secrets for all the world to see. I have nothing left to give of myself. I would say this made me a broken woman, but it did the exact opposite – it made me more determined.

God Bless You All for reading some of my story, I hope I run into you on my journey. Spirituality is your way of salvation in whatever beliefs you have.

I love you.

Stay tuned.

inspiredodyssey Life, Uncategorized

The “No-Internet Challenge,” What I Did For a Weekend Without The Internet

Batman Draw

So I did it! And what a weekend it was! I can honestly say, it was the best weekend of my life, and the best one I’ve had in a really long time. This meant no phone apps, no streaming, and an absolute zero online presence. The computers and laptops were off, and I watched a lot of TV and listened to the radio, (today is National Radio Day, by the way). I did a lot of the things we tend to neglect, like going to a class to reduce your car insurance, drawing, and coloring and reading a book you have been carrying around for a very long time.

I read a book called “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran, on Sunday, that I have been carrying around with me for about 20 years and I never read. An ex-boyfriend of mine gave it to me and said it would change my life, and it absolutely did.

There was one thing in particular that stood out to me of what I read; it was a passage about houses:

Your house is your larger body, what do you have in these houses? And what is it you guard with fastened doors? Have you peace, remembrances, and beauty in your houses? Or have you only comfort, the stealthy thing that enters the house as a guest, and then becomes a host, and then your master? Ay, then soon it becomes a tamer with a hook and scourge which makes puppets out of your desires. Verily the lust for comfort murders the passion of the soul, and then walks away grinning at the funeral. You shall be free when your days are without a care nor your nights without a want and grief – and when they girdle your life, you will find freedom when you rise above them naked and unbound.

To me, that encapsulates what the internet as a whole has done to us, and what we must free ourselves from. I have never been more free in my life, and when I wake up now, I feel nothing but joy in my heart. Through all the pain and sorrow of my younger days, I am approaching 40 without alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, gaming, Netflix, my cell phone and everything else most of the world are slaves to. This is a new era, a new day, and tomorrow will be an even better one.

And in regards to friendships, Mr. Gibran shared this:

Let your best, be for your friend. For what is your friend that you seek with hours to kill? Seek them always with hours to live. For it is theirs to fill your need, not your emptiness. For the dew of the little things that the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

Try it for yourself. Do all your work, write all your emails, put an away message on your phone, and plan to take a “vacation” from the internet. Maybe go hang out with friends, see a movie, or just do what I did and stay at home with your TV and with yourself. I can’t tell you how alive I feel after those three days.

Oh and one more thing: even though I am writing this in this blog, Mr. Gibran shared this with me, to remind me to always stay humble:

A good deed that calls itself tender names becomes the parent to a curse.

I shall remember that, Mr. Gibran.

Stay tuned.

 

inspiredodyssey Life

The No-Internet Challenge – Do You Think You Can Live Without The Internet?

NoInternetHero

So can you? I mean no streaming, no phone apps, no email, no YouTube, no social media, NOTHING??? I dare you to try it! I am going on an Internet strike from Friday to Monday to see how life would be without the internet. I was talking to a friend today about all the problems in the world, and I wondered if God asked me right now if I could fix everything that is screwed up about this planet what it would it be?

TAKE AWAY THE INTERNET.

Simple. Straight to the point. Just kill the whole system, lock everything down, and the only way anyone in the world could use the internet is for work purposes ONLY. It would a tool, just like a car, or a screwdriver – when you need it to get something done you use it, then you turn it the HELL OFF. It was a radical idea, a random thought that just stuck in my head. All these terrorist groups, the Dark Web that steals all your money and identity, Bitcoin and their bullshit digital currency that has you spending all your hard-earned money on virtual air, Facebook stealing everything about you, Google tracking you and sharing everything – ALL OF IT- JUST DONE AND GONE –

I grew up in a time before the internet, so I know what life was like before it. We got around, we did what we had to do, we called each other on the phone, we hung out together, yadda yadda yadda – people are always talking about a “simpler time” but what does that mean exactly? When people say, “I wish it were like the old days,” what are they referring to? LIFE WITHOUT THE INTERNET, that’s what.

I mean, look I’ll give ya some freebies. In this “newborn no internet age,” you can have three apps. Just three.

  • Waze – (GPS and Navigation)
  • Skype (Telecommunications and Long Distance)
  • LinkedIn – To network – PROFESSIONALLY, seriously enough with the stupid memes already.

Would it really be such a horrible place to live in? My friend told me, as a species, we are not mature enough for all this technology. In every generation, there are a host of problems, but for all the things the internet has fixed, what has it taken from us? Do we smile at strangers while we are waiting in line? No, we are ass deep in our phones not even looking up when our order is called at Starbucks. Do we ask people out on a date or for their phone number if we see them and we think them attractive? No, because someone, somewhere will protest the shit out of your gesture. Do we even remember what an arcade is??? I give it to Dave and Buster’s, they are keeping the dream alive.

We are so stuck, so stuck in a digital world, that we have entirely forgotten what it’s like to be human. This is funny because people make fun of the Fast and Furious franchise, but not only was the latest installment, “Hobbes and Shaw,” entertaining as all get out, one of the underlying themes of that movie was family and heart. We have lost our soul and spirit and replaced it with an Avatar kicking ass in XBOX LIVE. We have eliminated game night and now chat on Discord servers as if that is healthy.

So I am doing it. After I post this, I am going to pose the challenge to my very few social media friends, some forums somewhere, and “go dark” till Monday. I will HAVE TO use the internet at least on Saturday to check my schoolwork, but I think I can get away with the app on my phone for that and THAT ONLY.

What am I going to do over the weekend? Pretend it was 1994 again. Plug in my stereo, tune into the local radio stations, break out my PS2 and play some Tombraider, watch some TV, (on cable, no streaming), and just hang out and read a book, or three. I may draw and color a bit, redecorate my room, and call up some friends, (on a landline), and see if they want to get together over the weekend.

So do you think you can do it?

I dare you!

Join me in a No-Internet Challenge This Weekend!!!

Stay tuned.

inspiredodyssey Life, Uncategorized

10 Ways to Start Loving Yourself The Way You Deserve To Be Loved IMMEDIATELY – Not Tomorrow, TODAY.

hug-yourself

How many of us have struggled with this? Are we in a relationship we loathe? A job we hate? A city or town that just reeks of disappointment? Why is it you think these things around you are happening or happening to you personally? How do we change our outlook? Well, firstly it starts with YOU. You are the creator and rule dominion over your universe, so you must LOVE the person you are before you can find any hope at a happy life. It is so cliché to just say “love yourself more,” so I am going to give you some tools to do something better – to love yourself the way you DESERVE to be loved. Here we go!

1) Do ONE thing for yourself every day. It could be as silly as buying something that reminds you of a happier time. (For me it was that copy of Super Mario World for my Game Boy Advance, yeah, I’m THAT old school).

2) Take 5 minutes a day for SILENCE. No phone, no TV, no games or apps in the background.

3) Create something you are proud of. Get a piece of paper and a marker, or pen or pencil and draw. It could be completely abstract or fill a bunch of hearts on a page and hang it over your bed. Seeing it every day will make you smile, I guarantee it.

4) Pay your bills. This one may seem like a stupid suggestion, but you have no idea how fulfilling it feels to know that everything is paid and taken care of. Nothing is hanging over your consciousness making you feel guilty or upset.

5) Take yourself out on a date. One of the most gratifying things I have learned in my life is to go out and sit and have a meal by myself. It doesn’t matter if people stare, you’re there for YOU not them. Oh, and if you want to wash it down with a glass of wine, enjoy it!

6) Luxurize your shower routine. Some people don’t have the patience for long bubble baths, but if you add some nice body wash or amazing shampoos and conditioners to your routine it will make a WORLD of difference. Don’t forget to get a nice Spa Cucumber and Aloe Lotion to add at the end.

7) Challenge your mind. Part of the journey of self-care is being mentally active. I am not talking about gaming, but things like crosswords or vocabulary games. If you have an Alexa, she is a plethora of challenging games and quizzes.

8) Change something about your look. A haircut, new lipstick, (or guys grow out that beard the ladies love it these days).

9) Surround yourself with positivity. It is no mystery that when we go on things like Twitter and Facebook, we can walk away feeling angry, upset or even depressed. I suggest finding chat rooms, (WireClub, Paltalk, Chat Avenue), or forums, (Hip Forums, Spirituality Forums, Blue Moon Roleplaying Forums, Elliquiy Forums, Forums at PsychCentral, eNotalone), to broaden your digital presence. The best thing though is actual real-life social networking, like mixers and Meetup.com for your area.

10) Make plenty of Lists. This one helps you get into a routine. It doesn’t matter if you do one or even anything on the list you make, it is a subconscious way of reminding yourself of what you want or what you want to make happen.

This may not seem like the usual list of ways to love yourself more, but I did it this way on purpose. Each of these things is designed to get you an immediate result. Things like losing weight or going to school take a lot of time and energy and even though they are fantastic ways for you to feel good about yourself, you don’t get that immediate sense of accomplishment. My tips are designed to give you peace, love, and self-reflection so you can be on your way to falling in love with the main person in your life: YOU!

Stay tuned.

Infuse your life with action. Don’t wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your future. Make your hope. Make your love. And whatever your beliefs, honor your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen… yourself, right now, right down here on Earth.

~Bradley Whitford