My favorite moments in time are when me and my ex used to send each other messages without knowing what each other looked like. I LOVED that time – I was so open to it, and I loved what he used to say and what we used to talk about. I remember all the wants and needs, and how we were just two people grasping for each other for that one moment in time.
I did suggest that he see the movie, or at least the book “Shop Around the Corner.” We did see it together later on, and that was at a time when everything was so explosive. It was definitely my “hottest” online relationship because we both exploded into each other several times a day. We cammed, we phoned, we enveloped each other. He became my everything, I became his. We fell in love so deeply; he pursued me so relentlessly. I didn’t think it was possible to love so much or as much I loved my husband, but he came and blew all of that out of the window.
It’s been a year since those days, and I find myself reading his old messages to me, longing for that moment in time. I ache for him, my body pulses with thoughts of him. I love him so much, and it’s become my daily obsession, and I am starting to feel ashamed of myself because he no longer feels the same way. Don’t get me wrong, his boundaries of just emailing once or twice a day have now escalated to 4-5 hour long phone conversations, but it’s not the same as that all-encompassing passion that we once had. I crave him so much, I dream of him at night, and I know he holds himself back because of all the damage I caused our relationship.
I know it’s not possible, and people say you shouldn’t regret the past, but I wish with everything in me that I didn’t hurt him the way I did last year.
Every day I feel like I am still being punished for it.
Stay Tuned.
An Inspired Odyssey Through✨️Ink & Stardust✨️ 