What are you most worried about in your future? In simple terms: EVERYTHING! Look at the state of the world in present day, I can’t imagine what the future will hold. It is interesting this daily prompt talks about the future because I have been obsessing about it all morning. Today is 4th of July, and it certainly doesn’t feel like it. I remember a time when I used to be excited about things, ie. birthdays and holidays, but these days not so much anymore. Did we lose the zest for life like we used to have?

I am battling thoughts about my upcoming court date and how it will impact my future. Will I get a conviction which will lead to years of probation? My lawyer says I won’t be going to jail for my horrible charges, but I feel like I am screwed anyway. I feel like any hope of a career is long gone, any retirement savings would be non-existent, and any hope for a normal life down the tubes. Why such a negative attitude though? And what’s with all the obsessing? I guess I have been wired this way by years of negative programming. A world that has become like jello, and where every hard truth is sugar coated with some kind of false hope.

I don’t like the world we live in so I am not hopeful about the future. If I look back at my life, I remember dreams being realized and there was no limit on how much you could accomplish. Now I feel stunted, and in my case reprimanded. I don’t believe in my future because no one will ever hire me, and I don’t want to fall into the bullshit, of “positive affirmations” and “speaking it into existence.” As a jaded person about to face a judge, it looks like a bunch of crap to me. Wow, this all sounds really negative, God help me if I can ever turn all of this around. I really don’t feel hope anymore, I don’t feel joy, and my overall sense of the future is I will end up as a ward of the state stuck in a retirement home, sleeping the days away until I die. What a fucked-up way to look at things, yet somehow it will end up coming true.

I hope my views change someday.

Stay tuned.

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Published by inspiredodyssey

In a whole new world after leaving NYC in 2020. Left my husband, started over, 4 years sober and living on my own. Fell deeply in love again, only for it to turn complicated and heartbreaking. Trying to navigate my way through it all, while maintaining my friendships, honoring my newly found faith, and living life independently.

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