inspiredodyssey work

Serendipity – What a Sweet Word

happy

First of all, I want to thank all the new followers for my little baby blog that I just started. Everyone has been so wonderful and supportive so I thought I would return the favor. Forums at Psych Central is the best place for help with anything you may be going through, whether it be relationships, mental health, or you just want company that is supportive. It has been a wealth of knowledge for me over the years, and the people there and staff are so helpful if you’re struggling and need help. You can also visit PsychCentral.com to access hundreds of quizzes and articles to see if you suffer from bipolar, depression or anything else.

I will be honest and say it’s been a rough year. I had just crawled out of a hole I made for myself after a blowout manic episode that lasted longer than it should have and soon realized that it buried me under a mountain of debt which I found out today was $22,000!!!! – LIKE WTF???? Jesus, if you’re out there help me, please. Seriously, OUCH.

But that brings me back to my favorite word: Serendipity. Now, I am stealing that from that amazing movie with John Cusack and Kate Bekingsdale, BUT I feel my life has been littered with all these little serendipitous events over the years. First of all, I need to thank God for the fact that some error somewhere eliminated all the hospital bills from all the hospitalizations and doctors that I went through – seriously – some cosmic hand played a part in all that. And for those of you who don’t believe, I will say this much: I am not and never was a religious person in my life, but spending 10 months, (5 months of that in isolation), I found comfort in the only book I was allowed to keep with me: The New Testament, NOT the Bible, just The New Testament. People can argue that religion has turned into such a dirty word, (not sure why really), but you don’t have to be religious to appreciate a positive message of hope, which that book gave me. In fact, there are certain things that just NEED to be appreciated, like the one that was shared with me just this morning:

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~RUMI

Thank you, fellow bipolar survivor, for exposing me to such a powerful, and comforting poem. I always knew that Rumi was amazing, and finding out about more of his hidden treasures always brings a tear to my eye.

So for you that don’t know, serendipity is this:

Serendipity
NOUN
  1. the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.

  2. “a fortunate stroke of serendipity” ·

  3. [more]
  4. synonyms:
  5. chance · happy chance · accident · happy accident · fluke · luck · good luck · good fortune · fortuity · fortuitousness · providence · coincidence · happy coincidence

So far, I have been a wonderful beneficiary of “happy chance” especially with all the car accidents, crazy circumstances, hospitalizations and drunken debaucheries I have experienced in my life. I have had a very exciting life, but would I call it exciting now? Or would I call it just recklessness, and SO reckless that I am lucky to be alive? It’s weird how things come into your mind as you approach 40.

So my serendipity for today:

If I didn’t have a horrible day and breakdown yesterday and exposed my vulnerability to my very wonderful, but very worried best friend, I would have never changed Debt Consolidation companies today, saved about $100 a month, and now possibly have $2000 coming to me from a Savings Account that would be owed to me from my old Debt Consolidation company. SURE the smart thing would be to put ALL of that money into the new company, but I am going to play it smart. I am going to keep some emergency cash at home in a safe, (it’s funny I knew this was a great idea and everybody should do it, and I even have the safe but no money, lol), and keep the rest in my account for emergencies.

I am also going to start my writing career up again by joining this site:

Writer’s Work – $47

Now, I know you’ve probably seen their ads on Facebook, (if you’re even on there, I know most people are anti-social media these days), AND there are a lot of people about there who are making “reviews” and calling it a scam. Now, from personal research on this hear me out: For $47 you get a Lifetime Membership to ALL their services, which is expensive and big bucks to a lot of people, (especially me), but is it worth it? Well, they do have a money-back guarantee in 30 days, so you can easily just try it out, but WHY all the negative reviews?

First and foremost: people that sign up don’t put in the work. Like with any career services, or in this case a “freelance writer start-up,” you are going to have to put in the work. Now, I know this may seem like an obvious thing, but the fact of the matter is, in this world people want $60000 a year handed to them on a platter – I know, I used to work in Human Resources, and I saw it time and time again. And I hate to say it, but all those negative reviews I read sounded like lazy, unmotivated people who just didn’t like that they weren’t making $20 an hour instantly. It takes work to build up a profile and put yourself out there to companies. In essence, you’re selling yourself, and if you aren’t good at that, then maybe you shouldn’t invest in something that you think will GIVE you everything. It’s such common sense.

BUT…….

The bad thing is: they sell you on the idea that you can get everything instantly. I get it, totally their fault, but they are out to make money. But what people don’t realize is for $47 you’re getting a Lifetime membership to a RIDICULOUS amount of software and services to help you start your freelance writing career. There are a lot of negatives like they don’t have the best job boards, or their profile creation tool is weak, but come on, you’re paying for Netflix $156 a year to do what? Binge-watch shows and movies when you could be making extra money?

And the reviews that got me the MOST were the ones saying; “Read my review on WritersWork, I have the most unbiased and honest review out there.” Do you know what happened when I clicked on it? Within 30 seconds of reading this review, I was immediately directed to a site SELLING WRITER SERVICES. Haha! Talk about unbiased! And the most hilarious thing was when I closed the window and reopened the review again, after 30 seconds I was directed to buy their services, again!!!! So I had to keep closing and opening to read the whole damn thing! Why did I bother? God knows. Haha.

Anyway, maybe serendipity will work in your favor on this beautiful Saturday afternoon.

Maybe you’ll get the help you need at PsychCentral, or maybe you’ll go the route I’m going with Writer’sWork.

Whatever your dreams are, remember the only one standing in your way is you.

I learned that the hard way.

Stay Tuned.

 

 

inspiredodyssey bipolar

When You Cross The Line and Just, Well, Implode

a.baa-Ruff-Day

Today, was a bad day.  Have you ever let anything really minor upset you terribly? Things are so out of your control and power that you implode and show the worst parts of yourself to your significant other? How do you recover from the embarrassment from something like that? I know my partner isn’t mad at me, but I know I really let him down tonight.

I have always kept money out of my relationship. For almost 9 years, money was never an issue for me and I never brought it up to my partner. I would have always had enough to cover birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas and even an unforeseen expense in which I would show my partner, “I got this,” even though I’m on a very fixed income of disability.

I was on the road to recovery last year. Everything was working out; I finally fixed my credit score and history, I was just approved for an $8000 loan, and I had made it to the top of the list for a job in my county because I aced a Civil Service Exam. All my dreams were coming true and I could finally put my whole history of this horrible bipolar disorder, hospitalizations, debt and overall ugliness of the past 11 years behind me.

Until “IT” happened. The thing that we as bipolar victims dread most in life – an episode happens whether it be manic or depressed, that literally destroys EVERYTHING you worked so damn hard to achieve. It’s horrible what happens to us as mental health victims, (and I call us victims because of all the suffering associated with this dreaded curse of ours), but it’s not only the trauma but its the stigma that we deal with day after day for the rest of our lives from society, our community, family and peers.

The worst thing in the world happened to me when I had made such progress in my life and was about to embark on a career, good credit, and future. I had a severe manic episode that led to a ten-month hospitalization. It was no one’s fault, these things just happen right? I mean that’s what all the doctors can come up with – so it’s like here: we’ll give you all these medications for a life sentence of bipolar, but they may or may not work one day and your whole life may be destroyed by an episode.

WTF???????

Exactly my thoughts.

Anyway, back to crossing the line with my partner. Needless to say my credit was destroyed because I couldn’t pay my bills for ten months from the hospital, (there is no credit forgiveness if you’re hospitalized and “bonus,” if you want that kind of credit protection it costs about $30 a month PER card), the Civil Service Office gave away my job to the next one in line, and I was completely screwed.

As part of the rebuilding of my life, I have started investing in my writing career, I am in school for Business Management and I have been trying to get some classes to brush up on my Microsoft Office skills, so things were looking up,

UNTIL…..

Here comes the bipolar panic:

I saw a course for Excel on sale for $34 tonight, and I realized I don’t have $34 to my name. I have $22 on one credit card, $16 on another one and $10 in the bank UNTIL AUGUST 3rd. It would be nice if they let you split payments like in the old days, but they don’t today. How did I let it get this bad??? Why are my finances so OUT OF CONTROL?? I haven’t been manic or spending a lot, how is it that I’m THIS BROKE with no kind of back-up???

I started crying, ready to kill myself over this Excel course and the fact that I have no money, no savings, and my partner saw all that. For the first time in my relationship, I have been asking him for money, and I feel terrible about it. Wouldn’t you want a partner who is financially responsible and not a trainwreck? I would. I would dump me if I was with me.

Anyway, I let it get out of hand because all week I have been trying to get this course, and all I had been hitting is ridiculous roadblocks – no one at my current school would help me find out about these kinds of courses no matter how many times I called or who I spoke to, apparently since I was assigned a Student Services Advisor no one was allowed to help me but her. Okay, so what if the woman decides to never return my phone calls or emails all day? EXACTLY. And earlier in the week, I drove all the way out to my old Business school, (apparently you’re not allowed to find out about refresher courses over the phone you have to do them in person), so I wasted gas, time and energy for them to tell me the refresher Office courses won’t be available for another 5 months? And I was not allowed to hear this information over the phone…….why again??? WHAT???

I guess the frustration built up to a complete breaking point. The urgency of the matter is I need to move out on my own by next year. I had literally wasted about 11 years in a bipolar haze living on disability, living with my parents, thinking what? That they would take care of me forever?

I guess the moral of this whole story is, ALWAYS PLAN FOR YOUR FUTURE ladies and gentlemen. I am SO unbelievably lucky that my family was here to weather this bipolar storm with me; I have suffered so long with it, and just when I think I’m okay, something Holy Catastrophic happens. Guess that’s life right? Yeah, I guess. But serioously WTF???

If you guys can relate to any of this madness, please hit me with a like, it would really make my night. 🙂

Stay Tuned.

inspiredodyssey Life

Are You Happy In Life??

rain

Do you think you have the perfect career? Are you happy in your relationship(s)? Is there something missing in your life where you find yourself constantly searching, but can never find it?

Welcome to my world.

Hi, my name is Lynn and I am a writer in my 30s, from New York. Recently, I discovered that writing is mostly a hobby, and not really a career path, so I am in school for Business Management to try and figure it all out. It’s like that lightbulb went off when I noticed how everybody has jumped on the bandwagon of “freelance writer,” and I realized the market it just way too saturated with this type of profession. I think when Carrie Bradshaw showcased her life on “Sex and the City” every woman in New York was wondering: “In what universe can you write a couple of times a week for a no-name newspaper, and afford $500 shoes?” Trust me, I’ve lived in this city my whole life, and that crap is just straight-up fiction.

And what about relationships? Well, I am happy to say that it will be almost a decade that my best friend and I are still together. Why “best friend” and not “boyfriend?” Well, he is too old to be a “boy” friend, and secondly, I have always wanted to keep my options open; I am a “lots of options” type girl. But over the years, I realized, this is the guy for me and everything else is just an extra – and extra not being sleeping with a bunch of men on the side, just having an inordinate number of male friends, (and steamy co-writer partners), that most people don’t have the luxury of having. So you see, what I have works for both of us and works well. He is about an hour away by car, and I think I am going to keep our living situations this way until we both retire, then we can get married and grow old together. My set-up is pretty sweet, and I have to say I have no regrets, even though “I have no regrets” has turned into some new-age fix-it-all for modern-day problems and is now totally a cliché thing to say. But aren’t some cliché’s still relevant today? And to me, the biggest cliché that’s running around these days is: “online dating works.” I think if you survey all the people who are online dating right now, about 80% of them will tell you it’s crap turned over twice and all over your shoe. I will be talking about online dating more in this blog later on though because I think it’s such a fascinating subject.

This brings me to you guys.

Is it just me, or is it that with all this technology, all these great ways to meet new people, and all the advancements we’re making, are driving human beings apart? Are all these digital interactions killing us? Does it all leave you with an unsatisfied feeling at the end of the day, even though things are going well?

I think as a whole, we are losing our humanity. I was talking to my friend the other day and we were discussing the term “binging.” Wasn’t binging a negative term described in eating disorders? Why did such an ugly term become commonplace? Don’t we realize its unhealthy to binge, even though we think, “well it’s just Netflix?” A series isn’t made for the purpose of binging, well at least years ago it wasn’t.  I can remember every episode of “Star Trek the Next Generation,” “Knight Rider,” and “The A-Team,” because I had to wait a whole week to watch each episode. Since everything is available to stream and I was guilty of binging “Battlestar Galactica” a few years ago, I can honestly report to you, I have no frickin’ idea what half those episodes were about. Do you see what I mean?

It’s unhealthy.

We’re unhealthy.

So, what do we do??

Since this is my first blog post, what do you think we should do to make ourselves more human, more satisfied with life?

I totally would love to hear some of your ideas.

Stay tuned.