inspiredodyssey daily prompt

Fall in New York City – Change on the Horizon

There is something to be said for the crisp air, the hustle and bustle of the city that never sleeps. All the bagel shops are open with steam coming out of the grates of the streets. Leaves of all different colors, shapes and sizes falling on the ground, and Central Park never looked more beautiful. I love Fall, especially since I have gotten to experience so much of it in New York City.

Fall in North Carolina will be a different experience for me. I have spent a lot of the last four years either in jail, rehab or institutions, so I will say this will be the first Fall season in my new place. I work in a candle shop, so I will have first pick of all the new Fall scents, all sorts of pumpkin spices and autumn leaves that will pass through there. I am so excited that we moved to a new location in Raleigh, one in which we will open up our new candle studio and I can teach candle making classes again – making my own candle scents is one of the simple pleasures I have gained since working there.

I do miss New York City on most days. There isn’t much in my small North Carolina town, and reminiscing on all the little shops and food places that New York City has to offer has been melancholic, but at the same time I love the peace and tranquility of my new home. The adventure with my ex-husband led me here, and as the season changes today to another summer ahead, with my 44th birthday on the horizon, I am thinking about how many changes have actually occured.

I didn’t expect to fall in love again, especially not so soon. Is it crazy that the sex is so incredible too? I mean lovemaking with my husband was definitely special, but this new sensation, well let’s just say now I know all about what Danielle Steele and Jackie Collins used to write about, lol. Wow, am I really showing my age now? I wonder what it will be like to be with him totally, living together, enjoying each other – I am also wondering if I am moving too fast because I worked really hard for my independence and I love living alone. It will be an adjustment for sure. I just know there is no other man like him. I just know he makes me feel well taken care of and loved and it’s all I could have ever asked for. The biggest thing is that he doesn’t drink or smoke, which is more important to me than I had realized. My sobriety of three years and counting is the key to all my success, and it’s important that I spend my time with someone who is in line with that.

But I digress.

I hope to take him to New York in the Fall and show him what it’s like there on my favorite season. Just having a nice light jacket on with some boots and jeans, walking the streets hand in hand and taking in all the sites would be heaven. He is from Los Angeles, and it’s interesting because I have never been there or experienced it the way he has. Introducing this Cali boy to my East Coast world has been a real treat, and I can say, since this all has been totally unexpected, I get to explore different facets of a relationship I never have before.

It should lead up to an amazing adventure in the Fall season that I love.

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What is your favorite season of year? Why?
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt

Legacy – Rock Bottom Doesn’t Have to Break You

To me the legacy I want to leave is one about hope and ultimate triumph. There were so many rock bottoms in my life, I mean, there was rock bottom, ten feet of crap, pond scum, then me. That’s where I was and where I have been, especially when I was laying on the floor of a jail cell in late 2021.

I just want to say, stay positive. So cliche to say that, but it’s so true. We speak so much of our lives into existence. Yoda says, there is do or do not, there is no try – and I can’t tell you how true that is. If you say, “I am going to try to go out today, I am going to try and get a better job, or I am going to try to be a better partner,” 9 times out of 10 it will not come to pass. You are either going to DO it, or you Don’t.

So much of being in rock bottom, is a lot of our own making. Sure, there are outside circumstances that can put us there, but we don’t have to lay there and wallow in it. It’s like my therapist told me, “We aren’t going to talk about your past at all, we will focus on the present and how that relates how to build a better future.” Thank God I searched out a therapist that is an actual psychologist with a PhD and not one who just took an online course and is suddenly a “therapist.” Trust me people, it does make a difference. We spend so much of our lives rehashing the past over and over, that we just end up living in it and never moving forward. These kinds of ways of thinking are how I have broken out of the biggest rock bottoms of my life.

My legacy is my story, in the way it shows how I have overcome so much in such a short period of time. Rock bottom doesn’t have to break you, it can propel you, to heights and a life greater than one you can ever imagine.

Stay Tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What is the legacy you want to leave behind?
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt

Sacrificing Yourself to Make Someone Else Happy

It’s the one thing you NEVER are supposed to do -and the main thing that I did in my marriage. Sometimes when we are in relationships, we want to do everything for the other person, sacrificing who we are and all our wants and dreams for the happiness of someone else.

It’s the biggest mistake and greatest sacrifice I have ever made, and one of the biggest regrets of my life.

Another sacrifice was that I gave up my friends. My husband was so jealous of any relationship I had outside of ours, whether it was just friendships with men or women. I wanted to be married so bad, and I wanted to be showered by his love so much, that I didn’t care that I had to give those important people up, even though it was very hurtful because I missed them so much. One piece of advice I would give to anyone in a relationship is NEVER give up your friends, you have no idea how much you need them. And what was so hypocritical of me at the time was that I always hated how women used to ditch their friends when they got into a relationship, and I ended up doing the same thing. Lesson learned so remember, don’t throw stones in glass houses.

As I enter into this new world of freedom, now that me and my husband are no longer together, I am very adamant of what I want in the next relationship. All I know is that I will never sacrifice my freedom again, or who I am as a person. I had lost so much of myself in that marriage, and I didn’t even realize that I don’t even know who I am anymore. But being able to discover who I am again, is not a bad thing, it’s just that I didn’t know of how lost I was all those years.

Now, I am happy to report that it’s been six months since my husband has left and I am just now feeling feelings again. Most of it has to do with this very small budding romance that I have going with a very special friend. He has been so supportive during this whole process, and now that it is evolving into something more, I am taking my time and enjoying it for what it is. There is no definite plan and that’s the most beautiful part about it.

Cheers to the next chapter.

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What sacrifices have you made in life?
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt

I am the Living Embodiment Of “Freedom”

There is something to be said for being single and living on your own – away from the world, tucked away in your own universe. Some would say it’s lonely, but is it really? To be able to watch whatever you want on TV, freedom. To be able to go wherever you want, and be around whoever you want, to stay up as late as you want, pig out whenever you want, absolute freedom. There are so many more examples, but you get the idea.

Freedom to me, is the entire world being open to you – where there are no restrictions on you whatsoever. I wanted to be married more than anything else at one point in my life, but I really don’t think people realize exactly what it means to be married to someone, or even just living with someone. Your sacred safe place is yours and yours alone – where you get to come home after a long day’s work and face just all-encompassing peace and tranquility. A mentor of mine really overstepped the other day when she told a girl she was trying to help that I would put her up for a couple of months because she was going through domestic violence. I feel bad she’s going through that situation, but there is no way in hell I am opening my home to a total stranger after I worked so hard for my independence – especially for a couple of months. I mean am I wrong for thinking how crazy it is for someone else to offer someone MY place to stay? I really wanted to ask her why she didn’t offer up her own place, you know?

Anyway, sorry for sidetracking, we’re talking about freedom.

But wait a minute, isn’t that situation an example of freedom too? Being able to say “NO” is a form of freedom as well. Too many times we feel obligated to say “YES” to people when we really want to say no. As a matter of fact, the first words out of my mouth when she said she told the girl that she could stay with me for a couple of months were, “oh, no, I don’t think so.” She didn’t even ask me; she just straight up told the girl she could stay with me. Sorry, lol, it’s irking me more than it should. But I have the freedom to say “no” if I choose, and I absolutely did.

My freedom is the most precious thing in the world to me these days. I don’t think I will be able to be in a relationship for a very long time because of how much my freedom means to me. It’s not that anyone ever really told me what to do, but there are so many compromises I had to make that I just don’t want to make anymore. What if I want to talk to 5 guys at a time? Haha, I’m not, but I totally could if I wanted to. What if I want to take a trip across the whole world for a weekend – why not? I just love that I could. To me freedom to be absolutely carefree with no responsibilities other than those for myself, is such a gift, and it’s one of the things that God has blessed me with and has shown me what to appreciate.

And of course, the biggest freedom of all – not being dependent on a drug or substance anymore. I don’t think anyone realizes what freedom from addiction really means. People wonder why the people of AA or NA are so giving and kind, or even so helpful – because the FREEDOM is so amazing in itself, they just want to share it with as many people as possible. For me being sober for three years is the biggest example of freedom I could ever have. I just wish my ex-husband could have that too. He is still so deep in it and will be for a long time, because as of right now, going out “once a month and partying” seems to be his MO, and he doesn’t think it’s a big deal. But he isn’t free, he is still hooked, and being slave to that is a feeling I never want to have again.

And of course, finally, real freedom is being able to live here in America. A land that I love, that has given me so much opportunity. I never thought I would live in a world where I thought twice about actually saying that out loud, but I wouldn’t be true to myself if I didn’t mention how grateful I am to be here in the land of the free.

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What does freedom mean to you?
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt

Christmas in April

Anything to get me thinking about my favorite time of year is a nice welcome. Some people have a love/hate relationship with this holiday, but for me it’s always been my favorite. I have my fondest memories of my childhood at Christmas, like the time my parents’ car broke down in the snow and a nice man stopped and helped us, then hearing a bell ring and thinking “an angel got his wings” like in my favorite Christmas movie: “It’s a Wonderful Life” or when me and my husband spent our first Christmas together in a brand new state, with no money in our pocket, but holding each other on Christmas morning was more than enough.

Speaking of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” that became a Christmas tradition as well. I would watch it every year from 5 years old and onward, up till today. The lights, the cheer, the gift giving, all of it makes me feel bubbly inside. I think there is so much darkness in the world, but for one day a year it seems people come together with their families and friends and enjoy the cheer and hope the day brings. Children love it especially too.

Last year had a melancholic tone. My husband was in a psych hospital three hours away and I wasn’t taking his calls. I had gotten an IVC, (Involuntary Commitment Order) against him because he scared me really bad one night due to the fact that he stopped taking his meds. I remember the message he left me Christmas morning, wishing me a Happy Christmas, and that he loved me. That same day, I went to mass by myself, and stood in the pew and cried my eyes out the entire service. Thankfully, there were some kind people who offered their hugs in my time of sorrow. You would think that would ruin my views on Christmas, but it really didn’t. I remember coming home, having a quiet dinner and thanking God for my peace, and peace of mind. My husband was so deeply troubled he had brought me nothing but misery for a long time. It was my day of peace, and God had shown me the meaning of Grace – which was the greatest Christmas present than I could have ever hoped for.

So, this year, yes, I will be celebrating Christmas. My husband and I are no longer together, and I have cut off all contact with him, so he has no way to reach me ever again. Harsh as it was, it needed to get done. But this year, it will be filled with joy, fond memories, friends, family and of course, “It’s A wonderful Life” because after all, my life is truly wonderful just the way it is now.

Stay Tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What is your favorite holiday? Why is it your favorite?
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt

The Rabbit Hole of Mental Health Hospitals

What comes to mind? My ex-husband. Right now, he’s in NUMC, one of the worst mental hospitals in New York. My mind goes back to a time where I was just as hopeless as him, where I was at the mercy of the mental health system, to where I am at now.

I have been considering tapering down on my meds, which is really risky, but I want to do it. I have been sleeping sound, (thanks to my CPAP machine), for over two years now, and I have come to a point where I believe I don’t need to be on such heavy drugs. A couple of friends of mine made some points to me, one being that I have been so stable the past two years, BECAUSE I have been taking my meds regularly, not in spite of them. One could argue, I never allowed to give myself a chance to be mentally fit because I was always drinking, or in my ex-husband’s case, taking drugs. But coming up on three years clean and sober, I can think of a different path for my life than the endless revolving door of the mental health system that I was subject to just five years ago.

It’s really easy to go down the rabbit hole of mental institutions, especially when drugs and alcohol are involved. My ex-husband keeps saying he doesn’t drink, so that makes him okay and not an addict, but a total crack binge for 4 days in the streets once a month is normal to him. I can only say that now we are in totally different worlds, where I left that whole path of self-destruction.

Was I saved? Was it God? I don’t know. My ex-husband believes in God, but I think the only God that saves him when he gets in trouble time and time again. For me, my path was laid before me after intense personal turmoil and torture – a cycle of in and out the hospitals that spanned well over a decade, and an addiction to alcohol that lasted close to a quarter of a century. Why was I spared? I don’t know the answer to that either – but one thing is for sure – the rabbit hole for me finally bottomed out and I am free and clear for a bright new future – single again, but definitely mentally sound.

Stay Tuned.

Daily writing prompt
Jot down the first thing that comes to your mind.
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt

Like a Phoenix, In Position to Finally Make a Difference

So, after a long period of time of not knowing what I wanted to do with my life, I am in a position to really make a difference in the next 10 years. All my experiences, all my success, everything I have been able to accomplish will finally come to light in the next decade. I have decided to finally work on my book this summer which is the prelude to the future career that I want to make for myself.

I have been doing a lot for the past 4 months, but I don’t have a real direction. I have been so obsessed with everything going on with my ex, that I haven’t concentrated at all on my myself. The last I heard he had shown back up at his mom’s house after a long drug binge that lasted four days and she sent him straight to the local psych ward to be evaluated. This is the third time this month this has happened, and after all this back and forth I can finally say I am finally able to break free. He hasn’t reached out to me, and I really hope he doesn’t because I have invested so much into him, I have neglected myself – hopefully, all of that is done now.

Anyway, I think it’s a scary venture, to really look at yourself and decide what you are going to do with the rest of your life. Living in darkness for so long in a bipolar haze has definitely clouded any hopes and dreams I could have possibly had for the future. I had also spent so long yearning so bad for any kind of relationship, that out of desperation I settled for the first man that gave me any kind of attention and breaking free has been an enormous feat. But also, being sober almost three years, (next week Saturday), and getting a good night’s sleep every night has impacted my mental health in a very positive way. It’s a story that needs to be told – a person that lost everything, her hopes, her dreams, her career, and most importantly her sanity at the tender age of 24 – to going through the mental health system for close to 20 years with a hospitalization every year during that time, to going to jail, being homeless, and finally bouncing back and having an amazing life through all of that.

I am literally like the Phoenix that arose out of such miserable ashes. My apartment, my job, my car, my family, my friends – all of the luxuries that I enjoy today, came to me by a lot of hard work, dedication and the Grace from God. I couldn’t have done this on my own – but to come through to a positive place after so many years of desolation is a beacon of hope to so many others that are still suffering. Like I mentioned, I feel my story needs to be told, and I want to accomplish that in the next 10 years.

I hope to also be able to open up a non-profit organization to help others who suffer from addiction and mental health issues. It is just a dream right now, but I honestly believe it can be a reality. I also want to let the many women out there know that there is hope, that they are beautiful, that they are worth it, and they don’t need to stay in a relationship that brings them pain. Matter of fact, that goes for both men and women because I know men suffer in those kinds of situations too. I hope to help as many people as I can in the upcoming years.

Cheers to the future! (with a non-alcoholic drink)

Stay Tuned.

Daily writing prompt
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt

Conquering Addiction

The biggest positive change in my life has been my success over addiction. No drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, vapes, even coffee, porn, video games and sweets. How did I do this? I would like to say it was just will power, but it was substitution. I found things in my life I loved to do – whether it be writing, hanging out with friends, or just being lazy and watching TV all day.

The success that I feel is really over alcohol. That was the main one. I will be three years sober in three weeks, and even though I am still early in sobriety, I feel accomplished. I had spent so many years at the bottom of the bottle, that it took 10 months in a dirty county jail during COVID, 15 months in rehab and another 9 months in sober living, for me to finally “get it.” But I noticed that when I started really living again, that all the other habits that are addicting left me too. The other big one was porn. I had a porn addiction for the longest time, but with going to church every Sunday and finding real faith, that addiction left me too.

Look, I am not going to preach to you about God, but there is some truth to overcoming addictions through your higher power. You have to search deep within yourself to find Him and ask every day for the freedom from the thing that traps you in a vicious cycle. Finding my faith is the biggest advocate to me breaking the chains of so many addictions. Living a clean life isn’t boring either, I actually FEEL more in my life than I ever have before. I spent so many years being numb and high, I didn’t even know what it was like to feel real feelings.

I am the point in my life where I feel also feel kind of guilty for where I’m at too. My husband is out there in the streets tonight doing drugs and has been missing for two days, since the eclipse. It has been the hardest breakup I have ever had to endure, especially when I want so badly to help him and be a part of a loving marriage again. He loves his drugs more than me though, something that I have had to accept. I have also had to accept that even though I beat most of the common addictions, I am still addicted to his love that’s why every time I say I’m done, I end up breaking down and calling him. Being loved is the hardest addiction to let go of, but I think I am finally over this one too. I changed my number today, and I think I’m finally done.

It has taken a lot of strength and growth to get to this point, and it isn’t for the faint of heart. Some might find me cold-hearted or even robotic, but I assure you I am more emotional than you know- I just channel it in different ways now. I hope wherever you are you find your peace, just like I wish for my husband. But for now, I can say I am free from addiction.

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt
Describe one positive change you have made in your life.
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt

Being More Kind to Myself – Day Three No-Contact

It is no mystery; I am the queen of beating myself up. Whether I am calling myself fat and ugly or just plain unworthy, I wish more and more I could be more kind to myself every day. I started making a video diary of my life and how I am dealing with this breakup with my husband. Today is day three of no-contact and he is still leaving me voicemails about how he is blocked and that he knows I don’t want to talk to him anymore. I am hoping this stops over time, but I may end up having to change my number all together.

The fact of the matter is this man has been part of my life a very long time. and this “bully” as my therapist calls it, finally got quiet when my husband was in my life. The things I would say to myself in the past, and the way I used to drown in my sorrows was directly related on whether or not I had a man in my life – and these days the absence of my husband has me feeling relieved and at the same time, empty and hollow of that validation he used to give me. And then that “bully” has come back in full force telling me all the horrible things I hate about myself, which by the way, friends have reminded me these are things I would never tell anyone else about themselves.

I am not ready to find anyone else, but I do want to get into the practice of loving myself more. I wish I could get into the habit of saying nice things to myself every day. Why is that so hard? I have 20 things on my gratitude list, can’t I see how God has blessed me in so many amazing ways? I have a friend who told me that his main goal is to be where I am at in life right now. That is an amazing compliment. Yes, I am not rich, but I have all my needs met. I am comfortable, with amazing friends and family and I need to stop getting hung up on this whole “weight” issue and what I look like on the outside because it wasn’t an issue at all when my husband was in my life. Why does it take someone or something external to make me feel good about myself?

That’s one of the main things I wish I could do more every day – just be more grateful and accepting of myself in my own skin.

Stay Tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What do you wish you could do more every day?
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt, Life

Celebrating A 100-Year-Old Aged Icon, Like Fine Wine

What a life! Never would I have imagined I would have gotten here. I have faced madness, jails, institutions and death so many times over. Yeah, sure, you’ve lived almost 20 years in darkness, but that was just the beginning of what was yet to come.

You have faced such tragedy, but thank you for becoming kinder to yourself in your later years.

Thanks to the memories you learned to create, realizing that sobriety was the ultimate key to peace of mind.

Thank you for always remembering the people who made a difference in your life – all the letters you wrote to them, and all your messages and phone calls made such a difference.

Thank you for letting yourself love Giovanni so much. He didn’t want to help himself in the end, but you were able to love with him with your whole heart and he helped you experience love that was so deep that it lasted a lifetime.

And most of all thank you God for allowing me to live this long. To see everything as it became real, to see the world change from the 1980’s till now. To experience life in the fast lane, the slow lane, the crazy lane, the lanes without lines have been priceless, thank you just thank you.

You lived a good life Lynn, there will never be another like you.

Love always,

Me

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt
Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.
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