Anything to get me thinking about my favorite time of year is a nice welcome. Some people have a love/hate relationship with this holiday, but for me it’s always been my favorite. I have my fondest memories of my childhood at Christmas, like the time my parents’ car broke down in the snow and a nice man stopped and helped us, then hearing a bell ring and thinking “an angel got his wings” like in my favorite Christmas movie: “It’s a Wonderful Life” or when me and my husband spent our first Christmas together in a brand new state, with no money in our pocket, but holding each other on Christmas morning was more than enough.
Speaking of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” that became a Christmas tradition as well. I would watch it every year from 5 years old and onward, up till today. The lights, the cheer, the gift giving, all of it makes me feel bubbly inside. I think there is so much darkness in the world, but for one day a year it seems people come together with their families and friends and enjoy the cheer and hope the day brings. Children love it especially too.
Last year had a melancholic tone. My husband was in a psych hospital three hours away and I wasn’t taking his calls. I had gotten an IVC, (Involuntary Commitment Order) against him because he scared me really bad one night due to the fact that he stopped taking his meds. I remember the message he left me Christmas morning, wishing me a Happy Christmas, and that he loved me. That same day, I went to mass by myself, and stood in the pew and cried my eyes out the entire service. Thankfully, there were some kind people who offered their hugs in my time of sorrow. You would think that would ruin my views on Christmas, but it really didn’t. I remember coming home, having a quiet dinner and thanking God for my peace, and peace of mind. My husband was so deeply troubled he had brought me nothing but misery for a long time. It was my day of peace, and God had shown me the meaning of Grace – which was the greatest Christmas present than I could have ever hoped for.
So, this year, yes, I will be celebrating Christmas. My husband and I are no longer together, and I have cut off all contact with him, so he has no way to reach me ever again. Harsh as it was, it needed to get done. But this year, it will be filled with joy, fond memories, friends, family and of course, “It’s A wonderful Life” because after all, my life is truly wonderful just the way it is now.
Stay Tuned.
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