inspiredodyssey daily prompt

Being More Kind to Myself – Day Three No-Contact

It is no mystery; I am the queen of beating myself up. Whether I am calling myself fat and ugly or just plain unworthy, I wish more and more I could be more kind to myself every day. I started making a video diary of my life and how I am dealing with this breakup with my husband. Today is day three of no-contact and he is still leaving me voicemails about how he is blocked and that he knows I don’t want to talk to him anymore. I am hoping this stops over time, but I may end up having to change my number all together.

The fact of the matter is this man has been part of my life a very long time. and this “bully” as my therapist calls it, finally got quiet when my husband was in my life. The things I would say to myself in the past, and the way I used to drown in my sorrows was directly related on whether or not I had a man in my life – and these days the absence of my husband has me feeling relieved and at the same time, empty and hollow of that validation he used to give me. And then that “bully” has come back in full force telling me all the horrible things I hate about myself, which by the way, friends have reminded me these are things I would never tell anyone else about themselves.

I am not ready to find anyone else, but I do want to get into the practice of loving myself more. I wish I could get into the habit of saying nice things to myself every day. Why is that so hard? I have 20 things on my gratitude list, can’t I see how God has blessed me in so many amazing ways? I have a friend who told me that his main goal is to be where I am at in life right now. That is an amazing compliment. Yes, I am not rich, but I have all my needs met. I am comfortable, with amazing friends and family and I need to stop getting hung up on this whole “weight” issue and what I look like on the outside because it wasn’t an issue at all when my husband was in my life. Why does it take someone or something external to make me feel good about myself?

That’s one of the main things I wish I could do more every day – just be more grateful and accepting of myself in my own skin.

Stay Tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What do you wish you could do more every day?
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt, Life

Celebrating A 100-Year-Old Aged Icon, Like Fine Wine

What a life! Never would I have imagined I would have gotten here. I have faced madness, jails, institutions and death so many times over. Yeah, sure, you’ve lived almost 20 years in darkness, but that was just the beginning of what was yet to come.

You have faced such tragedy, but thank you for becoming kinder to yourself in your later years.

Thanks to the memories you learned to create, realizing that sobriety was the ultimate key to peace of mind.

Thank you for always remembering the people who made a difference in your life – all the letters you wrote to them, and all your messages and phone calls made such a difference.

Thank you for letting yourself love Giovanni so much. He didn’t want to help himself in the end, but you were able to love with him with your whole heart and he helped you experience love that was so deep that it lasted a lifetime.

And most of all thank you God for allowing me to live this long. To see everything as it became real, to see the world change from the 1980’s till now. To experience life in the fast lane, the slow lane, the crazy lane, the lanes without lines have been priceless, thank you just thank you.

You lived a good life Lynn, there will never be another like you.

Love always,

Me

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt
Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.
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inspiredodyssey Featured

I Learned the Quintessential Art and Practice of Gratitude

This seems like a beaten to death lesson, because everywhere you look, someone is saying the “attitude of gratitude” is the key to a happy life. But is it really? I have to say, YES. I have spent a very long time beating myself up, feeling the worst of the worst for my sinful nature, enveloped in my own sense of self. This self-serving way of living kept me locked in a box for 15 years – feeling so fat and ugly I couldn’t even function in society – well, jokes on me because I am 50 pounds heavier than I was then living the best life I could possibly live now! Who knew?

It all comes from the art of gratitude. It is, in essence an art. Today was a crazy day. It poured like crazy in my city and I was running around trying to get everything done. I had one of the most productive days of my life, but not once did I say a simple “thank you.” That’s my biggest mistake right there, and I am working hard at rectifying it. So, every day, I am skillfully homing in on my craft and recognizing how I can master this art.

I sent my husband away months ago and have been living the best life I can live on my own. The sense of independence is intoxicating, so much so that I don’t need any kind of substance to replicate the high of being on my own every day. My comfy bed, which used to be my nemesis because it used to beckon me at all hours of the day where I wasted away my life, is no longer an enemy, but a friend to be made pretty every morning so I can be welcomed at night. I make sure I make my bed in the morning now, so there is no chance I will find myself crawling back in it during the day. It’s little practices like that I have adapted which make me grateful for everything I have today.

I turn 44 this year. I was at a point in where I believed I needed to be married with a family so badly, that living on my own would be such a sad and lonely existence, but I think it was the unknown that I feared. This unknown territory is scary, (the lights went out for a few moments earlier this evening, and I panicked at being alone here in the dark), but again I am grateful the lights came back on and can practice at least ten more things I am thankful for before bed.

Gratitude is a state of being. Vibrations dictate that if you exude gratitude, positive things will come to you – that’s the most basic principle of the Law of Attraction which isn’t just some “woo woo” nonsense that I once thought it was. There is an art to this practice, that has to be done with care and love as if it is a child you are nurturing. You are nurturing your own psyche, telling the subconscious mind, (which is like a child), the most basic affirmations: “I am beautiful, I am a millionaire, I am happy” simple action statements which you confirm throughout the day with life’s little gifts. See affirmations don’t work if they are not confirmed. All you need is a speck of proof that these affirmations work by practicing the art of gratitude to make them a reality, or as close to reality as possible. The confirmation that I am a millionaire is the most basic. I am a millionaire because I live 30 minutes away from my loving parents and spent every Sunday with them. I am a millionaire because I have so many friends and people who love me when I never had a single friend all those years ago. I am a millionaire because I have no want or need, my bills are paid, I have a full fridge, and I wake up with no worry, not a single one. It may not be in “dollars”, but I am a millionaire, nonetheless.

I am a firm believer, (especially after reading some of my old blogs), that God has blessed me with the one thing I am the most grateful for: peace. All the weight I gained, all the bumps on my face, the clothes that don’t fit me, the guys that don’t look at me anymore, the empty bed, the scary nights when the power goes out, the nights of loneliness, all of that does not compare to the PEACE I have found. All those things are infinitesimal compared to the epitome of peace.

And how do you get that peace? Gratitude. Just that simple.

And that’s the last thing that I have learned, the most important lesson of my life.

Stay Tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What is the last thing you learned?
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