Meeting my boyfriend was a total shock to my system because I was fresh out of my marriage with a broken heart and damaged soul. Leaving my husband was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and even to this day I still think of him. But God in all his Glory, has other things planned for me it seems. Bigger and better things.
This man is unlike any man I have ever met. I hate to say it this way, but he is a real grown-up with real responsibilities. He has two grown children, and one has severe depression that needs constant care. It has been a challenge, learning to adjust and be understanding, but the end goal and the rewards that I hope will come into fruition are beyond joys I could have ever imagined. This relationship has also given me the opportunity to travel to Los Angeles, a place I’ve always wanted to go and see. My boyfriend was born and raised there so I am granted with the “inside track,” so to speak, and I will get to see all the cool stuff outside the usual touristy rhetoric.
I think the trip will happen sometime in 2025. I will have to make sure to get my REAL ID too – I think the new rules go into effect in May of 2025. After that date, if you don’t have a REAL ID you can’t fly- your regular driver’s license or ID card will no longer be accepted by the TSA. Sounds like a money ploy to me of course, because you will have to pay for the new card even if you had already renewed your license – you don’t just get one by default. Typical, right?
I am excited. Being born and raised in NYC, I also know all the cool spots, so it will be nice to show my boyfriend around too. I know the MTA train system by heart so we can travel all over the city to all the cool places. I can’t wait to show him all of Manhattan, Brooklyn, The Bronx and Queens – and I don’t buy into the whole “danger” part of NYC either – I traveled those trains in the late 80s when bullets were literally flying all over, lol. The city will always be dangerous, and I’m sure the same thing can be said about Los Angeles.
Oh, and I also want to drop about 50 pounds, so I am not a whale on the flight, lol. Ugh, since my thyroid surgery my weight has moved in the total opposite direction. I definitely have some work to do. I am also thrilled about my probation being lifted to “unsupervised” now, so I don’t have to deal with any travel restrictions, drug tests, or any of the pain in the ass things I’ve had to endure over the past year. Did I mention I was thinking about my ex-husband? Yeah, when those thoughts come, I should really remind myself that it’s because of him I got arrested in the first place, AND all his charges got dropped and I have to carry mine for the rest of my life. So, no Ms. Inspiredodyssey – stop thinking about that man, lol, think about the future ahead with the new love of your life! Los Angeles here I come!
Bottom line, I should have never gotten this surgery. It cost me a 50-pound weight gain, where most people lose weight after they remove their thyroid. Of course, my luck caused me to blow up like a damn balloon. I needed it done though because I had a huge lump/mass in my neck, and I was so worried that it would become cancerous later on in life because cancer runs in my family. But the cost? Horrible self-esteem and a huge weight gain that I can’t seem to get rid of no matter what I do.
I have a huge resentment towards my mom for not going to a doctor at all when she was pregnant with me. No pre-natal care no nothing, and that was mostly my dad’s doing because he didn’t think she needed a doctor. Typical. That’s why when I was born, I was on a machine for the first six months of my life with a dislocated thyroid gland that ruined my metabolism for the rest of my life. I suppose it could have been worse though right?
A lot of this has me thinking about where I am today. This weight gain has become the epitome of my biggest woes. I hate everything about the way I look – and things like taking care of myself and getting around is so much harder because I am so much heavier. I worry about all these things as I get ready to embark on a trip to Los Angeles to see my boyfriend for the first time. As a native New Yorker it will be quite the experience, seeing the other “big city” on the other side of the country. I think it’s pretty cool he’s a local because he can show me all the cool stuff, just like I can show him if we do ever decide to travel to New York. But the real issue with me is traveling. I feel too fat to travel, as ridiculous as that sounds. But it’s not till October, so I am going to try my best to drop some of the weight. What is worse is my gym partner can’t afford the membership at the YMCA anymore, so I am stuck trying to do this on my own. Sure, she can spend ours scrolling through TikTok and buy all kinds of nonsense, but she can’t afford the gym. Whatever.
This has been a very cynical post, lol. But I am dripping in cynicism these days because I feel so horrible in my skin. Was the surgery worth it? I don’t know. It was a big thing in my neck that had to come out I suppose, but this weight gain has basically destroyed me, and I can’t seem to come to grips with it.
What a title, right? To call the last two months, a lifetime of drama is an understatement. My relationship has been explosive, lustful, passionate, exquisitely painful, and mind-numbingly fluid in ways that have left every previous relationship a pile of dust in the wind. This man is a broken version of me from years ago, and all the worst parts that I see of myself. His addiction got him mandated into rehab, which I think is the best course of action for now. But there are elements to it that I am just not comfortable with.
He’s walked alone for a long time – alone in the streets, knee-deep in poverty, desperately hoping someone would love him. Then I came along, meeting him in the worst place you could possibly meet someone – the psych ward. Now, I know what you’re thinking, how could I make a relationship out of such chaos and dysfunction? Well, to be honest, my madness knows his madness like the man we all know who walked on water 2,000 years ago. I bring up that analogy because we both have a deep faith, we both have a strong passion and we both are exactly one year apart in age, (and one week apart in birthdays, how cool is it to find someone who is your zodiac sign?) This man knows the way my mind works, he once told me he loves the way my hip moves when I walk, the crookedness of my smile when I am sexy, the way my eyes widen when he fucks me, the way I sing my heart out at the same songs he knows – we are a match made in the stars, and I would be a fool to say I am going to walk away because he doesn’t his shit together yet – I frickin don’t have my shit together yet.
So would the analogy be my madness knows his madness, or does my failures know his failures, or do my inadequacies know his so well make sense? The last thing couples want to do is to relate to each other by their horrible qualities, but I think that kind of struggle and realness is necessary for the longevity of true love. I saw the rawness of him, and he saw the rawness of me from day one – we saw in each other all the things that people hide from each other in relationships, times ten.
Our relationship has been explosive. We have had painful fights and disappointments that would break up most couples. The fact is, though, we NEED each other. That kind of desperation is far from healthy, but that’s what we are. All of his dysfunction comes from his environment and his family, and since mine is moving down south, I think I am going to follow them and take him with me. I LOVE New York – I love everything about this city, and never in a million years would I have considered moving – but for him? I will drop everything and be gone tomorrow. I believe in this so much, I believe in him so much, that I can honestly say I can leave my whole world behind to start anew. A fresh start is what we both need badly because I think “people places and things” can also make or break a relationship.
And the sex is well – too good to even describe. I have heard stories about women who couldn’t orgasm from penetration, I was one of them – but with him – it’s earth-shattering orgasms with whatever he does. I never met a man who electrified my lust like him – and I have never had 4 or 5 orgasms in one night like it is with him. Is it true that crazy sex is the best sex on the planet? I am starting to think there is really something to that.
In all, I think the best thing for his recovery is a new environment – a new place where we can start over and build a life. I never thought I would ever leave New York – but to ensure my happiness with the man that I love? I am all for it.
Have you ever wondered? I know you’ve all seen Seinfeld, Sex and the City, King of Queens, NYPD Blue, and New York Undercover, (maybe, maybe not), but do those shows really represent what it’s like to live in the Big Apple? Or what about Justin Timberlake’s comments in “Freinds With Benefits?” You know, he rips on New York humidity in the summer, the overcrowdedness, and oh yeah, (because it’s worth mentioning twice), Seinfeld.
So what is it really like anyway? I am not going to say some bullcrap cliche line indicating it’s super awesome and so amazing and you should pack your bags right away, give up your job and your life, leave everything you know and love just to come and live here- although if you did actually do that, you’re a total badass and I want to be your friend 🙂 What I am going to do though, is be honest and give you the 411, (in true Mary J. Blige fashion), on what it has been like for me as a born and raised New Yawker, (yes they say it like that, its totally true, but it also depends on which part you go to).
I have lived in the worst of the worst parts of New York; growing up in the ’80s in the David Dinkins era, New York was one of the most dangerous places to live at that time. Even though there were flying bullets everywhere, hookers and thousands of drug dealers, I actually had a decent time growing up. There is something that must be noted when you talk about a community in a crime-infested ghetto: people stick together like it was the apocalypse – NO JOKE. I mean all the parents in the neighborhood looked out for each other’s kids – all the kids in the neighborhood went to the same public school and we would all feel safe either walking home or taking the bus even in though we lived in, what some would consider, a total warzone. And to be honest, growing up in Brooklyn at that time made me totally hardcore – I mean, I had Level 10 Grit before that was even a thing. I would take risks and ride that dangerous subway system all through my teens and adulthood, not even holding on to my purse tightly like they tell you to, (even though I did get almost-mugged once – I am sure he is still nursing his testicles all these years later).
Another thing about New Yorkers, is they are INCREDIBLY creative when it comes to eluding cops and being sneaky. I think if all these criminals got together and tried to go straight, they would either make amazing lawyers and stockbrokers – in fact, I think some of them actually are. One place in particular sticks in my mind when it comes to that kind of criminal creativity.
I had moved to the South Bronx when I was 19, and no, it was no improvement from my old neighborhood in Brooklyn – in fact, it was WORSE. The place I am thinking of was a Video Store that was secretly a weed spot. It wasn’t a Blockbuster or anything, it was one of those video stores that had the “backroom” with all the porn; god I miss those! Anyway, when you walked in and turned to the left, there was a huge wall of video cassettes to rent and what you did, was look for the movie “Blade Runner,” take down the box and a hand would come out where you would give either $5 or $10 for a nickel bag or dime piece. Yeah, cool isn’t even close to the right word for that. Also, if that store or anything like it is still there, sorry bro for ruining your business – but in all fairness, I have kept your secret for almost 20 years.
Being a New York native, and someone who still loves New York admirably, I can’t leave you without mentioning some of the touristy spots. So there are the obvious places you may have heard about:
Central Park
The Bronx Zoo
Coney Island
The Metropolitan Museum of Art
The Museum of Natural History
The Hayden Planetarium, (my favorite)
The New York Aquarium
Times Square
The Empire State Building
The 9/11 Museum and Memorial
Rockefeller Center
The East and West Village
The South Street Seaport
Jones Beach, (near where I live now)
I am sure if there are other New Yorkers reading this, they KNOW I missing a lot on that list. But if you’re thinking of coming to New York City, and you want to go to the main attractions, that’s some of the most popular. For us nerds though, I HAVE to include these:
Midtown Comics near Times Square
Forbidden Planet – 14th Street Union Square
St. Marks Comics – The Village
Jim Hanley’s Universe – 3rd Avenue
The big enchilada:
Comic-Con at the Javitz Center – October
I mean if you skip all the touristy stuff and hit up these places, (which are my all-time favorite places), you would get your money’s worth when you come here. And not for nothing, city attractions cost money to go to, and for me, the best parts of New York is just getting on a train and exploring all of the city. In fact, if you study the map below, if you decide to come here, you will literally save thousands of dollars in costs for travel. You can get a reasonable place to rest your head in Queens, (probably the safest borough out of all of them, especially Forest Hills), and take the train everywhere you want to go for your adventures. You can easily take a cab to anywhere in Queens from JFK airport for a decent price. So be sure to study this survival subway map, (it’s not as complicated as it looks, trust me).
Oh, and I mentioned Forest Hills. Well, after my break-up from the Bronx fiancé, I moved to an amazing town in Queens called Forest Hills. It is expensive to live there, almost as expensive as living in Manhattan itself, but it’s such an amazing community and I had the best time living there. But there is one place in Forest Hills, that I MUST mention: The Irish Cottage. I have had so many wonderful memories at that place – with the great menu and the outside seating in the summer, it’s the absolute best place to be if you’re visiting New York. This is probably one of the best things about living in New York, little places like these:
And I know I didn’t give Brooklyn or Staten Island their deserved justice in this post; there are so many amazing places like Junior’s and Salty Dog out there, but I’m already at 1,000 words and I would like people to stay with me and not zone out when reading my blog, lol.
I also know I didn’t really explain what it’s really like to live in New York City because I got carried away with gushing about all the cool places, but I will tell you this – there is never a boring moment here. It is very expensive to live here, but if you find a niche somewhere or maybe buy a car, you can easily enjoy this place within reasonable financial means. As for me, well I live on Long Island now, and it would probably take me an entire post to talk about all the cool places, people and things you could do out here because it’s like a whole different world that I’m learning about.
Also, I am a very open, outgoing and friendly person, so if you ever need a tour guide if you decide to visit, I would gladly help. How could I pass up helping internet strangers?
An Inspired Odyssey Through✨️Ink & Stardust✨️ 