dailyprompt-1904 – An Inspired Odyssey Through✨️Ink & Stardust✨️

Out of any of the accomplishments I have ever had, this is the one that has been the most impactful on my life. I can’t tell you enough what it is like to be free from alcohol. Drugs were never my thing, but I did do drugs with my ex-husband, and it completely took over his life and changed him completely. It ultimately led to me leaving him, and from what I hear now, he is locked away in a psych ward somewhere – permanently.

I choose not to drink – not an easy feat. A lot of people have trouble with this because drinking is just so social and easy to slip into. But then, after a few social occasions, drinking can bring you to a dark place – a place where you find yourself recoiling from others and drinking alone. Then starts the obsession, day trips to the liquor store just when they open and then spiraling down into alcoholism. This is the place I was for 15 years – add on bipolar disorder and a trip to psych ward the same time every year – I was a prisoner of this disease with no way out.

It took extreme circumstances to get me out. I went to jail, was homeless, went to rehab, and was in sober living for nearly three years of ongoing craziness, trying to find my place in the world. Through all of that, I was sober and took a hard look at myself. My amazing parents did move here from New York to help me, but they refused to take me in when I was homeless, and it was the best thing they ever did for me. It allowed God to step in and allow me to move to my small, quiet North Carolina town where I have found community with so many amazing people.

God took the urge from me completely – I was a morning drinker – emptying half a Snapple every morning and filling the other half with vodka to get on the train and go to work every single morning for years because I was just drowning in my misery and not taking care of myself. Today, I take good care of my body and health, take my medicine and give back to the world in every way I can – a far cry from the person I used to be.

Today, I am happy, joyous and free – (despite a little heartbreak), which is one of the promises of AA.

Stay Tuned.

Daily writing prompt

Describe one positive change you have made in your life.

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The biggest positive change in my life has been my success over addiction. No drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, vapes, even coffee, porn, video games and sweets. How did I do this? I would like to say it was just will power, but it was substitution. I found things in my life I loved to do – whether it be writing, hanging out with friends, or just being lazy and watching TV all day.

The success that I feel is really over alcohol. That was the main one. I will be three years sober in three weeks, and even though I am still early in sobriety, I feel accomplished. I had spent so many years at the bottom of the bottle, that it took 10 months in a dirty county jail during COVID, 15 months in rehab and another 9 months in sober living, for me to finally “get it.” But I noticed that when I started really living again, that all the other habits that are addicting left me too. The other big one was porn. I had a porn addiction for the longest time, but with going to church every Sunday and finding real faith, that addiction left me too.

Look, I am not going to preach to you about God, but there is some truth to overcoming addictions through your higher power. You have to search deep within yourself to find Him and ask every day for the freedom from the thing that traps you in a vicious cycle. Finding my faith is the biggest advocate to me breaking the chains of so many addictions. Living a clean life isn’t boring either, I actually FEEL more in my life than I ever have before. I spent so many years being numb and high, I didn’t even know what it was like to feel real feelings.

I am the point in my life where I feel also feel kind of guilty for where I’m at too. My husband is out there in the streets tonight doing drugs and has been missing for two days, since the eclipse. It has been the hardest breakup I have ever had to endure, especially when I want so badly to help him and be a part of a loving marriage again. He loves his drugs more than me though, something that I have had to accept. I have also had to accept that even though I beat most of the common addictions, I am still addicted to his love that’s why every time I say I’m done, I end up breaking down and calling him. Being loved is the hardest addiction to let go of, but I think I am finally over this one too. I changed my number today, and I think I’m finally done.

It has taken a lot of strength and growth to get to this point, and it isn’t for the faint of heart. Some might find me cold-hearted or even robotic, but I assure you I am more emotional than you know- I just channel it in different ways now. I hope wherever you are you find your peace, just like I wish for my husband. But for now, I can say I am free from addiction.

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt

Describe one positive change you have made in your life.