inspiredodyssey daily prompt

Halloween – A Fascinating Time of Year

I have to admit I haven’t celebrated Halloween since I was in elementary school. I don’t know the world seemed a lot more fun to go trick-or-treating in back then. But as I approach a new year, and 45 years old, I decided to jump into a time machine and get all dressed up this year! And I am going trick-or-treating with a friend and her kids in the neighborhood this evening!

I have to say when I woke up this morning, it was like Christmas morning. Halloween was always fascinating to me because I always loved spooky, paranormal things. I am so grateful to my wonderful boyfriend because he always gets so excited about the holidays. He convinced me to get all dressed up today, when I would have normally just worn my own boring outfit to work today. Not only am I excited as a kid again, but my boss got on board by signing me up for the costume contest in the mall this year. I hope I win!

I have spent the past two weeks reliving so many fun spooky movies too. I introduced my boyfriend to “The Exorcism of Emilly Rose” which is one of my favorite exorcist movies. We watched a bunch of exorcism movies too, along with “Monster House” and last night “Elvira: Mistess of the Dark.” I have to say it’s like a “spookassance” for me – reliving in me all the wonderful things I remember as a kid. So, whatever you’re doing today, try to enjoy yourself. Call over a friend, watch a spooky movie, or go see a spooky place. Life is too short to forget about these simple treasures.

Wish me luck for the costume contest!!

Daily writing prompt
What historical event fascinates you the most?
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inspiredodyssey Featured

Sobriety – What I am Most Proud of in my Life

Out of all my accomplishments in my life – being sober is what I most proud of. It changed everything about the quality of my life, especially the impact it has had on my mental health. I have struggled with bipolar disorder for so many long years, and I never stopped to think that it had anything to do with all my drinking. But taking bipolar pills early in the morning, then waiting for them to wear off, drinking all afternoon, waiting to sober up, and then taking more bipolar pills to go to bed at night, is the ultimate definition of insanity. THIS IS NOT NORMAL AT ALL FOLKS. Doing that same routine for many years, is EXACTLY how I was in and out of all the mental institutions in New York for many, many years. This is how I destroyed myself; this is how I suffered and endured so much pain.

It’s only after coming to North Carolina, going to jail, then spending almost 2 years homeless and in the recovery community, did I realize it was the addiction that was the cause of all my problems, stress, heartaches, headaches, and overall poor quality of my life.

Being sober is the best thing I have ever done with my life. I am so grateful for surrendering when I did, giving my addiction over to God, and having Him take it from me. My life has changed so much, being almost 4 years sober, and I couldn’t have imagined a better life today compared to what it was 10 years ago. I have my family, my friends, a wonderful healthy relationship with an amazing boyfriend, a path to an amazing career, and an independence unlike any I have ever known; I love living by myself so, so much – this is absolutely the life I prayed for.

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What are you most proud of in your life?
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt

Trying to Really Accept Myself for the First Time

Self-acceptance is really, really hard. I think we all struggle with this in our lives, but as we get older, I feel like it gets worse if we never really addressed it when we were younger. This has ALWAYS been so hard for me, and I don’t think I’ve really ever allowed myself to try this – that’s why I am going to try to do accept myself for the first time in my life.

There are several things that bother me my life – just general worries, but mostly about how I feel about myself. It is no secret that gaining 50 pounds in three months due to my thyroid surgery hurt me A LOT, and then in working with my therapist, we identified the “bully” in me that beats me up constantly and says bad things about myself needs to be quieted. I identified this “bully” as my younger, skinnier self from when I was in my 20s. I was so obsessed with my weight and looking good, that I constantly beat myself up about it – that later translated to me doing a real number on myself, twenty years and nearly a hundred gained pounds later.

It is really hard to accept yourself these days, especially in the world we live in. I recently saw a filter in SnapChat that made me look SO good, but then I realized how fake it actually was. All these filters and outward things that skews the actual way we look isn’t good for us. How can we ever accept ourselves if we’re always looking through a filter?

So today, I am taking steps to love myself more. I am buying clothes that actually fit and putting away the ones I no longer fit into. Buy bigger sizes is SO hard, but it’s on the road to self-acceptance. Also, my insurance is going to stop paying my YMCA membership in December, (like I really go anyway), which is a real disappointment because I really wanted to start going again. But as I get closer to my church, looking at myself in God’s eyes, and realizing how much He loves me, I can never be as ugly or as hideous as I think I am. Plus, my boyfriend always assures me how much he loves me, and my ex-husband always loved how I looked – not that I should use that as a gage of how I view myself, but it does help that I have that kind of reassurance.

But no matter how I look at it, this is a new journey of self-acceptance that I am embarking on, and I am really excited of what the future holds for me in this new view of myself.

Stay Tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What could you try for the first time?
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt

What it Feels Like to Be Independent

So, today’s prompt is about when was the first time I actually felt like a grown-up, and I have to say it’s only been this past year, even though I am now in my mid-40s. Being in the mental health system and the drug addiction cycle for so long, and of course, living and mooching off of my parents for many years, I never knew what it was like to be a grown-up or experience independence – especially like the independence that I experience today.

It’s a lot more than just paying bills, rent, and taking care of yourself – it’s also about self-discipline and having self-control. I am off of probation now, so honestly, nothing is stopping me from getting a huge bottle of wine from the grocery store or kicking back with some mimosas on a Friday night. Maybe SOME people can do that, but not this alcoholic. I am not worried too much about going off the deep end and going on a drinking binge, but more how drinking again would interact with my bipolar medication which would definitely lead to mania, and of course hospitalization, which I can absolutely NOT afford right now.

The level of responsibility is heavy, but the rewards outweigh all of that. My own place, my own home, my own freedom – and most of all, having a beautiful guestroom in which my friends can come stay, (like this weekend and next weekend), is a feeling that is just irreplaceable. This is the life I prayed for. When I was little, I wanted the house, car, marriage, the whole thing, but God had different plans for me. I think of ex-husband often, and the crazy adventure that led me to North Carolina – through jails, institutions and rehab, BUT if it wasn’t for him, I would have never left New York and the horrible cycle of non-independence I was living in.

So yes, take the risk if you can – open yourself to new opportunities, and grow-up every chance you get – but honestly, I may say that, but I will always be a Toys’r’us kid!!

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt
When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?
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