inspiredodyssey daily prompt

To be or Not to Be Typical – An Interesting Day

Today was my first real attempt at being someone’s sponsor. I had tried it before, but this time feels more real. My mind has been jumbled with all the emptiness and ungratefulness swirling around my brain as of late, and if being sober has taught me anything, my alcoholic mind is trying to trap me in all my complacency to take that first drink. So no, today wasn’t typical – I pushed myself out of my isolation and self-pity and decided to take the gift that God gave me and pass it on to the next suffering alcoholic.

Bipolar-wise, I am a little worried. I am actually screaming out these days, (I mean it in the absolute literal sense), like screaming “*UCK!!” at the top of my lungs when I am frustrated. I live alone so it isn’t an odd thing, but I have noticed that this screaming out obscenities out of frustration just started happening lately. I know it is directly linked to my sobriety and the fact that my usual go-to of going to a restaurant and sitting with a huge bottle of wine is no longer an option to deal with all my emotions. Having to deal with the volcanic hot-tempered Latin/Carribean blood on a daily basis is really starting to get to me, on a level like I’ve never felt before because there is no other outlet right now other than screaming, (which is probably not good for my neighbors).

My angsty-ness also is coming from my relationship. I do love my boyfriend very much, but his living situation is a sore spot for me. There is a lot going on in his life that he needs to fix, and sometimes it feels to me like he is not putting in the effort. I don’t think a lot of it is his fault mostly because he was never encouraged to ever pursue his dreams or make things happen for himself. Encouragement goes a long way for people, especially if you didn’t have a lot of it growing up – so in his case I am going to try and be more compassionate. Also, today is the 29th and there is a chance he may lose his benefits due to some paperwork technicality next month, and that is a real scare for the both of us.

So yeah, not a typical day. There is a lot up in the air right now, and a lot of things I need to figure out going forward. I took another $1000 out of my savings account to cover costs this month, but to be honest most of it was for Galaxy Con in Raleigh this year, and it was totally worth it. Just taking my picture with William Shatner and meeting one of the men I used to dream about growing up was such a thrill for me, and honestly, it’s not worth worrying about the money it took to enjoy that day. I may be way too fat in the picture, but you know what, it’s a memory I will always have.

Having my therapy session was also good today – I learned that my unfulfillment may be coming off of such an exciting weekend, and my life just pales in comparison. I feel fulfilled when I am around a lot of people, sharing stories and ideas – that’s why I enjoyed one of the Panel Room discussions “Ten Forward” so much at the convention. It was a real opportunity to talk Trek and geek out with fellow fans – I think I am missing that kind of camaraderie in my life. I am going to take advantage of all the clubs I joined at the convention too, so maybe I can enjoy more outings with fellow geeks and sci-fi peeps.

Anyway, also mailed my boyfriend’s gift box today too – I was shocked that it was $37 to ship at the Post Office – lesson learned that I need to start shipping UPS now. I sent him a bunch of stuff from the convention along with some cute Knick knacks and a card and a letter I wrote. I sent a letter and card to my ex-husband and his mom too – something that I didn’t think I was going to do. I didn’t respond to his last letter to me because I wanted to concentrate on my current relationship and not dig up past feelings, but I think he really needs my support right now. I changed my number, and I don’t want him to have it, so I am not going to call, but I felt I needed to send that letter of encouragement for him to try to at least get sober – it really hurt he got beat up by three guys outside of a bar last weekend. He doesn’t need a life like that, and oh, he could have had such a good life with me; I wanted to take care and be with him so badly, I loved him so much, but he chose the drugs over me again, and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I hope my letter helps a little, I know he doesn’t really have anyone on his side, and I always was. I still love him in so many ways and think of him all the time. It’s heartbreaking to me all the time, and I still cry when a song comes on the radio, but I guess that’s a wound that will take long to heal. In fact, I cried on the way home just today.

So yeah, not your typical day.

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt
Was today typical?
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt

A New York City Girl in California

Meeting my boyfriend was a total shock to my system because I was fresh out of my marriage with a broken heart and damaged soul. Leaving my husband was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and even to this day I still think of him. But God in all his Glory, has other things planned for me it seems. Bigger and better things.

This man is unlike any man I have ever met. I hate to say it this way, but he is a real grown-up with real responsibilities. He has two grown children, and one has severe depression that needs constant care. It has been a challenge, learning to adjust and be understanding, but the end goal and the rewards that I hope will come into fruition are beyond joys I could have ever imagined. This relationship has also given me the opportunity to travel to Los Angeles, a place I’ve always wanted to go and see. My boyfriend was born and raised there so I am granted with the “inside track,” so to speak, and I will get to see all the cool stuff outside the usual touristy rhetoric.

I think the trip will happen sometime in 2025. I will have to make sure to get my REAL ID too – I think the new rules go into effect in May of 2025. After that date, if you don’t have a REAL ID you can’t fly- your regular driver’s license or ID card will no longer be accepted by the TSA. Sounds like a money ploy to me of course, because you will have to pay for the new card even if you had already renewed your license – you don’t just get one by default. Typical, right?

I am excited. Being born and raised in NYC, I also know all the cool spots, so it will be nice to show my boyfriend around too. I know the MTA train system by heart so we can travel all over the city to all the cool places. I can’t wait to show him all of Manhattan, Brooklyn, The Bronx and Queens – and I don’t buy into the whole “danger” part of NYC either – I traveled those trains in the late 80s when bullets were literally flying all over, lol. The city will always be dangerous, and I’m sure the same thing can be said about Los Angeles.

Oh, and I also want to drop about 50 pounds, so I am not a whale on the flight, lol. Ugh, since my thyroid surgery my weight has moved in the total opposite direction. I definitely have some work to do. I am also thrilled about my probation being lifted to “unsupervised” now, so I don’t have to deal with any travel restrictions, drug tests, or any of the pain in the ass things I’ve had to endure over the past year. Did I mention I was thinking about my ex-husband? Yeah, when those thoughts come, I should really remind myself that it’s because of him I got arrested in the first place, AND all his charges got dropped and I have to carry mine for the rest of my life. So, no Ms. Inspiredodyssey – stop thinking about that man, lol, think about the future ahead with the new love of your life! Los Angeles here I come!

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What are your future travel plans?
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt

The Missing “Colors” of Life

Touch, smells, sounds just the presence of someone seems to be missing from modern society. The humanness of social interactions is so lost because there is so much we do from behind our screens.

I lived a long time behind a screen – probably close to 15 years to be exact. It was an endless circle of emptiness in relationships and most of all, friendships. As a society, I believe we have moved toward that lifestyle or that way of being, and it is so sad. I understand we live in a post-COVID world, but that doesn’t mean we have to abandon the sense of community which makes living so worth while.

I admit, I have an issue with my relationship now. It is long distance, so it is over the phone, video call, and mostly online communication. After escaping that online hell I had created for myself and left New York by going on a crazy adventure with my now ex-husband, I made up my mind that I would live in the “real” world and wouldn’t be stuck in the online world that modern society has deemed normal. I cultivate real relationships and friendships these days; I go out into the world and interact with my fellow humans on a daily basis, or as much as I can. I go to events alone if I have to, I start meetups on my NextDoor neighborhood app, and I am very active in my recovery community. Maybe being sober all this time and being what I call a “recovered bipolar” has helped me escape the cycle of depression that runs so rampant in the world today.

I will be honest; I miss the joy in life. There is so much joylessness in this society that my only wish is that actual joy would come back. Here is a perfect example:

What is the different between these two McDonald’s? Can you see it? Where is the color of life anymore? I went into a store the other day and couldn’t even find the 64 Crayola crayons either. Remember where there were 64 colors to create masterpieces with? Modern society has become so dull and bereft of life; I honestly believe it’s due to the lack of human connection.

So, what would I change? I would do a complete overhaul and bring life and color back into the world again – bring the HUMAN element back before we all end up actually looking like and being what AI represents.

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What would you change about modern society?
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inspiredodyssey Featured

Keeping Busy offline- The Key to a Happy Well-Being

In the internet age, people have become too complacent staying home behind a computer screen. Isn’t it a tragedy that most people don’t like going outside anymore? During post-COVID, more and more people are working from home, so simple interactions with three-dimensional people have become a thing of the past.

In my life, I got forced to go outside and live my life. I spent over 15 years in a cycle of eat, sleep, internet, and rinse and repeat. I had absolutely no idea of what it was like to have actual friends and what it was like to live a busy fun-filled life. My health and well-being were so damaged, and I had no idea how to change it – and with all the hospitalizations over the years, I just felt completely defeated. So, when I got the opportunity to finally change all that when I met my husband, I went for it. Needless to say, it ended up incredibly toxic and even more damaging, but it still led me to an adventure of a lifetime. #NOREGRETS.

These days, I have an incredibly full life. Even though I don’t live in the main city anymore, I still travel there a couple of days a week to catch up with all the events and the people that I know. During the week, I keep myself incredibly occupied as well. I admit that I find myself on the internet trolling chatrooms sometimes, but some habits do die hard, lol. But it is more a passing through attitude now, where it used to be an all day, everyday thing. But in my honest opinion, being offline for almost 3 years was the best thing to ever happen to me, and to maintain a healthy well-being is to stay offline as much as possible during the day. Reading a book, working out, go to an AA meeting, going to church, (even when it’s empty and just me finding peace), going to lunch with friends, walking around a bookstore or thrift shop, going to the library -these are all things that promotes a healthy well-being. Just being out in the world where you are out with people is the best medicine. I find it so sad when someone tells me they hate people – fellowship is the best part about being alive. We need people to elevate and promote our own healthy mental health. Maybe that’s just my opinion, I don’t know.

So, if you want good health and a balanced well-being, dump the computer, put down the phone, and GO OUTSIDE!!

Cheers to a good life! (with a non-alcoholic drink, well for me, anyway lol)

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to maintain your health and well-being?
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt

Falling into the Black Hole of the Internet

I think we all can agree that when you open a browser and start clicking, 5 hours can easily disappear. My biggest time-wasting issues stem from chatrooms. Since the day Yahoo and AOL closed, there have been others that have opened up – ChatIB and ChatAvenue are my recent go-tos for a good chat – and honestly, hours and hours can just fly by. I just love the complete anonymity of the whole thing, and all the ideas and thoughts that flow by on the screen. Then the private messages start coming in and you can just get so lost.

But the internet in general is just a hot bed for killing time. I know for most people all the streaming apps with all the thousands of shows and movies to choose from is another big-time killer. But to me, when you go online, you are just open to so many screens and things to look at, that you can literally spend your whole entire life behind a screen. I know from experience because I lived 15 years of my life like that.

How did I break free? Going to jail and being homeless so I didn’t have a choice but have no internet, lol. I don’t recommend that obviously, but the fact that I was without it for so long and was able to read so many books and do so many things with actual three-dimensional people was a huge thing for me. Nowadays, I still find myself behind a computer sometimes, well there are days that I pull all-nighters in chatrooms still, BUT for the most part, I am out there in the real world living my life.

I think it’s important that we find things to do outside of the internet. I had done a No-Internet Challenge once that I blogged about years ago, and it was really helpful in letting me see how important it was to enjoy life again. I read comics, drew pictures, watched cable tv, and wrote poems and letters. I enjoy doing things outside of being online, I do, and I hope that more people would. I didn’t realize how dependent I was on that rush of an instant message or that need to see something flashing on a screen. I wonder what people did for fun in the 50s and 60s sometimes too. Do you remember what life was like before the internet?

Stay Tuned.

Daily writing prompt
Which activities make you lose track of time?
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inspiredodyssey Featured

I Value Security now, Rather than Adventure

Some would say hightailing it out of NYC to North Carolina on a whim, riding high and fast on pills, alcohol and cocaine an adventure – because when I turned 40 years old, something happened to my brain, quite literally. Suffice to say, it landed me in jail and then a homeless shelter/rehab for another 15 months and then getting placed in sober living for another long nine months before finally getting a place of my own. Since then, peace, and security, security being all I crave and am now seeking now in my life.

I would love more adventures with my new boyfriend, sure. But sober, boring adventures, lol. I would love to see places – go visit Roswell, see the sights of Los Angeles that I never have, show him NYC from the point of view from a true New Yorker, and just many, many more. But the only adventure I have known so far have been total self-destructive ones – my life in NYC was full of it. Full of mental institutions, one-night stands and all-around bad behavior. Sure, there were times in my teens and 20s when I ruled the club scene, when I danced and drank all night long, and experienced a night life that many wouldn’t in their lifetime, BUT it came at a big price – severe alcoholism and bipolar disorder.

So, you can say that I am seeking pure clean fun and security now. Just a nice boring life, lol. Sure, I can have fun sober, and since my boyfriend doesn’t drink or smoke, we could have nothing but late-night talks and plenty of sex while traveling the world. I suppose you could call that an adventure in itself, but to me that seems pretty tame than what I have been used to. I guess when you get to a certain age, (and you’re still on probation, lol), some things do seem more important than others.

Cheers to the future!

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt
Are you seeking security or adventure?
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inspiredodyssey daily prompt

Relationships Get Better with Age

I have realized since being in my 40s, I relate to people a lot better than I did when I was younger. I can set boundaries today, I can pull back when needed to, and I also know exactly the type of people I want in my life, and what people I don’t.

Toxicity is rampant in most relationships these days, and I feel as you get older, you get better at weeding that out. Of course, this varies per individual, but you get what I mean. I find that especially in the relationship I am in now. I love my boyfriend so much, but I am aware that in order to make a relationship work, we need to allow a certain amount of space for each other to grow. We need to be two “whole” people, instead of pieces of one trying to stick and paste to each other. He has specifically told me that he doesn’t want our relationship to be a codependent one, and I respect him so much for this. Me and my husband were incredibly codependent and toxic, and I don’t want to repeat past mistakes at all. Being with someone that has a certain sense of responsibility has been a real bonus for me in this relationship.

Having healthy relationships is also true for friendships as well. Have you ever had a friend just call you and vent for hours, but when you need to vent, they are nowhere to be found? How is that healthy? Do you know to remove these people from your life, or have the strength to?

As I’ve gotten older, my relationships have gotten older too. People that I knew when I was younger have grown into parents and elders and have matured as well as I have. It has been hard to maintain some of them, as my bipolarness alienated me from a lot of people of my past, but those that have stuck around have been closer than ever to me, and our bond has never been stronger.

But I think, personally, that the older you get, relationships with people just get better and better. Just look at how well seniors bond. Did you ever wonder why that is?

Just something to ponder.

Stay Tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What do you think gets better with age?
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