Self-acceptance is really, really hard. I think we all struggle with this in our lives, but as we get older, I feel like it gets worse if we never really addressed it when we were younger. This has ALWAYS been so hard for me, and I don’t think I’ve really ever allowed myself to try this – that’s why I am going to try to do accept myself for the first time in my life.
There are several things that bother me my life – just general worries, but mostly about how I feel about myself. It is no secret that gaining 50 pounds in three months due to my thyroid surgery hurt me A LOT, and then in working with my therapist, we identified the “bully” in me that beats me up constantly and says bad things about myself needs to be quieted. I identified this “bully” as my younger, skinnier self from when I was in my 20s. I was so obsessed with my weight and looking good, that I constantly beat myself up about it – that later translated to me doing a real number on myself, twenty years and nearly a hundred gained pounds later.
It is really hard to accept yourself these days, especially in the world we live in. I recently saw a filter in SnapChat that made me look SO good, but then I realized how fake it actually was. All these filters and outward things that skews the actual way we look isn’t good for us. How can we ever accept ourselves if we’re always looking through a filter?
So today, I am taking steps to love myself more. I am buying clothes that actually fit and putting away the ones I no longer fit into. Buy bigger sizes is SO hard, but it’s on the road to self-acceptance. Also, my insurance is going to stop paying my YMCA membership in December, (like I really go anyway), which is a real disappointment because I really wanted to start going again. But as I get closer to my church, looking at myself in God’s eyes, and realizing how much He loves me, I can never be as ugly or as hideous as I think I am. Plus, my boyfriend always assures me how much he loves me, and my ex-husband always loved how I looked – not that I should use that as a gage of how I view myself, but it does help that I have that kind of reassurance.
But no matter how I look at it, this is a new journey of self-acceptance that I am embarking on, and I am really excited of what the future holds for me in this new view of myself.
Stay Tuned.
An Inspired Odyssey Through✨️Ink & Stardust✨️ 