inspiredodyssey daily prompt

How I Scared Everyone, Then Became the Quietest Neighbor

Man, bipolar is one sneaky son of a so and so. I was doing great in my new apartment, made friends, got neighbors’ numbers, but man when you have manic episodes, everything can fall apart really fast.

I won’t even get into the Ring camera footage my dad saw of me running outside in my parking lot naked at 4am, or the candles I left burning on my bed and windowsill that nearly burned down my apartment, but just the sheer amount of craziness that I put my neighbors through is just appalling. My one neighbor, who lives across from me and has a little girl, got scared the most. I was calling her, knocking on her door in my delusions, that her husband (who was the first one to welcome me there), threatened to call the cops on me. So embarrassing! The worst part is I have $100 worth of Moana stuff for their daughter that I never got to give to her for Christmas because I was so crazy. Apparently, they talked to my parents when I was in the hospital too, telling them that they really liked me, but they were just really scared of me.

Fast forward to today, I am now the quietest neighbor in the complex. That couple with the daughter stays far away from me, (they avoided me when they saw my car coming in the summer). My noisy neighbor next door moved out, (I had tormented them too at all hours of the night), but they apparently were picking fights with all my other neighbors, and the landlord had the sheriff come to evict them, (thank God I wasn’t the worst one),

I think the best way to be a good neighbor is trying to be helpful and to just stay quiet. I found a small piece of mail the mail lady dropped the other day by our mailboxes, and hand delivered it to one of my neighbors, (I think that’s pretty neighborly). But that’s as far as I’ll go. The best thing I can do is keep taking my medication, sleep well, and make 100% sure I don’t find myself in a manic episode ever again. Just way too much to lose. So today, I am a good neighbor, just a lonely one in the complex.

Daily writing prompt
What makes a good neighbor?
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inspiredodyssey bipolar

Life Lessons

It is no secret that bipolar disorder is also known as “The Silent Killer,” because silently, it has the power to erupt and destroy everything in your life. This has happened to me numerous times in my life, but nothing prepared me for what I was about to lose this time around. I suffered so much, and there are still nights where I am crying myself to sleep. The shock to my system, the utter despair of yet another episode of mania in which my sense of reality was completely lost from me.

The worst part is getting over the medicine, all the medicine, that was pumped into my system to bring back down to “Earth.” It has sparked a very severe depression in which I am fighting every day to get rid of. Bipolar is hard, and so is the depressive side – the manic side may be all fun and games, but when you are slammed back down to Earth, you can surely feel it.

The upside of all of this is that I am incredibly fortunate and blessed. The wonderful people at my AA group are still supportive and welcoming, my friends at church are still there with open arms welcoming me at baptism on Easter, my amazing friends in and out of recovery have been wonderful, my amazing mom and dad who gave up everything to help me yet again are still incredible – and of course the wonderful man who I had once called my boyfriend is still at least emailing me.

So even though I feel so much loss, especially with the amazing accounting job I had, I feel so grateful that I still have my amazing apartment, my resilient car, and everything I had before this setback. That’s what I have to call it, just a setback. Jesus tells me that He saved me to serve a higher purpose. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to have a fancy job, maybe my time and energy is supposed to be giving back to the community – going back and volunteering with Recovery Alive, going back to Raleigh and teaching job readiness classes to felons just leaving prison, joining the Legions of Mary and giving the eucharist to those suffering and in need. My mind is on a different path now, on a different mission, and now that my disability is justified, I will be living a minimalist life now just making quick cash on the side doing a side gig – the dream of a career is on the back burner – I realize that I am needed in so many more ways than I am limiting myself.

I am hopeful for the future. I am hopeful for a world ahead of me that is going to hear my voice, to hear the tales of jail, addiction, and possible death, and despite this setback of bipolarness, I am still striving forward.

Here’s to the future!

Stay tuned.