This is one of the hardest things I think most people struggle with. If something happens in your life that draws a black cloud over your head, you tend to dwell and focus on it until it ruins your entire day. I have this habit. Things haven’t been going well for me and my ex-boyfriend. We had been emailing each other because that’s the only mode of communication he was comfortable with, well it looks like he might have put a stop to that as well.
I am heartbroken, distraught and thinking irrationally. My heart is full of negative feelings, and I am trying to find ways to cope with it. Exercise would be helpful if I had the motivation to go and exercise. Praying has been helpful because it’s the season of Lent and I feel I should be focusing on God more rather than my relationship woes. But writing, that has been the winner so far, along with acceptance.
I have to accept things the way they are. He is in another state, and he is being honest with his feelings. He could have just ghosted me and ended things that way, but he chose to open up communication with me. He might be ghosting me now though, because I think he is tired of me always saying that I miss him and that I love him. I know I deserve better, but my heart is in a freefall over this man. I am so fearful that I am going to spend the next 10 years alone again like I was before.
But again, that’s negative thinking. The way I am getting through this is simple: gratitude. I have SO much to be grateful for. I have a way to make money, I have a very nice apartment, and a nice car, but I hate that this manic episode made me lose so much, including him, but that can’t be helped, and I can’t take it back. I hate my illness I truly do, but this is what God gave me, and I have to deal with it. I almost feel punished in a way – like God gave me this illness, he made me fat and ugly, the list goes on and on. I feel so bad about myself, and it’s not getting any better. I wish I could change things, but it is what it is. All I can hope for is a better tomorrow.
Stay tuned.
An Inspired Odyssey Through✨️Ink & Stardust✨️ 