inspiredodyssey daily prompt

Trying to Really Accept Myself for the First Time

Self-acceptance is really, really hard. I think we all struggle with this in our lives, but as we get older, I feel like it gets worse if we never really addressed it when we were younger. This has ALWAYS been so hard for me, and I don’t think I’ve really ever allowed myself to try this – that’s why I am going to try to do accept myself for the first time in my life.

There are several things that bother me my life – just general worries, but mostly about how I feel about myself. It is no secret that gaining 50 pounds in three months due to my thyroid surgery hurt me A LOT, and then in working with my therapist, we identified the “bully” in me that beats me up constantly and says bad things about myself needs to be quieted. I identified this “bully” as my younger, skinnier self from when I was in my 20s. I was so obsessed with my weight and looking good, that I constantly beat myself up about it – that later translated to me doing a real number on myself, twenty years and nearly a hundred gained pounds later.

It is really hard to accept yourself these days, especially in the world we live in. I recently saw a filter in SnapChat that made me look SO good, but then I realized how fake it actually was. All these filters and outward things that skews the actual way we look isn’t good for us. How can we ever accept ourselves if we’re always looking through a filter?

So today, I am taking steps to love myself more. I am buying clothes that actually fit and putting away the ones I no longer fit into. Buy bigger sizes is SO hard, but it’s on the road to self-acceptance. Also, my insurance is going to stop paying my YMCA membership in December, (like I really go anyway), which is a real disappointment because I really wanted to start going again. But as I get closer to my church, looking at myself in God’s eyes, and realizing how much He loves me, I can never be as ugly or as hideous as I think I am. Plus, my boyfriend always assures me how much he loves me, and my ex-husband always loved how I looked – not that I should use that as a gage of how I view myself, but it does help that I have that kind of reassurance.

But no matter how I look at it, this is a new journey of self-acceptance that I am embarking on, and I am really excited of what the future holds for me in this new view of myself.

Stay Tuned.

Daily writing prompt
What could you try for the first time?
View all responses
inspiredodyssey bipolar

What’s Meant for You, Is Meant for You

I never understood acceptance. Have you ever experienced a real acceptance? Not just acknowledging something, but truly accepting it? Things have changed in my life so much in the past five years. I went from existing, drinking, no direction or just being institutionalized, to jail then rehab. I have never experienced real friendships or healthy relationships; I’ve never accepted true purpose.

Today my bipolar is manageable. I am nearly 2 years sober from drugs and alcohol, I don’t even smoke cigarettes. I have a new freedom that this bipolar rollercoaster has brought me to. I am finally on cruise control. And all it took was sobriety and the most important thing for the insomniac manic bipolar person: SLEEP. Sleep is so important to people struggling with mental health issues. I have bad sleep apnea on top of it. The miracle that has happened since getting my CPAP and being sober is unbelievable.

Looking back on other blogs, and some of the other craziness I used to write about is so eye opening. This life is so bright now. What’s meant for me is meant for me, no turning back. I want to say that if you’re struggling with whatever it is in life, that there is hope. The darkest days of my life on the floor of that jail cell is just a thing of the past today. Purpose comes with surrender, and strength comes with perseverance. The lessons I have learned have prepared me for what is to come, and it looks so bright and hopeful today.

Peace comes when you let it in and accept where you are.

I love you today, as I love me, just in case no one else told you.

Be bold. Be brave.

Even just for today.

Stay tuned.