June 2024 – An Inspired Odyssey Through✨️Ink & Stardust✨️

Bottom line, I should have never gotten this surgery. It cost me a 50-pound weight gain, where most people lose weight after they remove their thyroid. Of course, my luck caused me to blow up like a damn balloon. I needed it done though because I had a huge lump/mass in my neck, and I was so worried that it would become cancerous later on in life because cancer runs in my family. But the cost? Horrible self-esteem and a huge weight gain that I can’t seem to get rid of no matter what I do.

I have a huge resentment towards my mom for not going to a doctor at all when she was pregnant with me. No pre-natal care no nothing, and that was mostly my dad’s doing because he didn’t think she needed a doctor. Typical. That’s why when I was born, I was on a machine for the first six months of my life with a dislocated thyroid gland that ruined my metabolism for the rest of my life. I suppose it could have been worse though right?

A lot of this has me thinking about where I am today. This weight gain has become the epitome of my biggest woes. I hate everything about the way I look – and things like taking care of myself and getting around is so much harder because I am so much heavier. I worry about all these things as I get ready to embark on a trip to Los Angeles to see my boyfriend for the first time. As a native New Yorker it will be quite the experience, seeing the other “big city” on the other side of the country. I think it’s pretty cool he’s a local because he can show me all the cool stuff, just like I can show him if we do ever decide to travel to New York. But the real issue with me is traveling. I feel too fat to travel, as ridiculous as that sounds. But it’s not till October, so I am going to try my best to drop some of the weight. What is worse is my gym partner can’t afford the membership at the YMCA anymore, so I am stuck trying to do this on my own. Sure, she can spend ours scrolling through TikTok and buy all kinds of nonsense, but she can’t afford the gym. Whatever.

This has been a very cynical post, lol. But I am dripping in cynicism these days because I feel so horrible in my skin. Was the surgery worth it? I don’t know. It was a big thing in my neck that had to come out I suppose, but this weight gain has basically destroyed me, and I can’t seem to come to grips with it.

Will keep on trucking though, like I always do.

Stay tuned.

Daily writing prompt

Have you ever had surgery? What for?

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There is something to be said for the crisp air, the hustle and bustle of the city that never sleeps. All the bagel shops are open with steam coming out of the grates of the streets. Leaves of all different colors, shapes and sizes falling on the ground, and Central Park never looked more beautiful. I love Fall, especially since I have gotten to experience so much of it in New York City.

Fall in North Carolina will be a different experience for me. I have spent a lot of the last four years either in jail, rehab or institutions, so I will say this will be the first Fall season in my new place. I work in a candle shop, so I will have first pick of all the new Fall scents, all sorts of pumpkin spices and autumn leaves that will pass through there. I am so excited that we moved to a new location in Raleigh, one in which we will open up our new candle studio and I can teach candle making classes again – making my own candle scents is one of the simple pleasures I have gained since working there.

I do miss New York City on most days. There isn’t much in my small North Carolina town, and reminiscing on all the little shops and food places that New York City has to offer has been melancholic, but at the same time I love the peace and tranquility of my new home. The adventure with my ex-husband led me here, and as the season changes today to another summer ahead, with my 44th birthday on the horizon, I am thinking about how many changes have actually occured.

I didn’t expect to fall in love again, especially not so soon. Is it crazy that the sex is so incredible too? I mean lovemaking with my husband was definitely special, but this new sensation, well let’s just say now I know all about what Danielle Steele and Jackie Collins used to write about, lol. Wow, am I really showing my age now? I wonder what it will be like to be with him totally, living together, enjoying each other – I am also wondering if I am moving too fast because I worked really hard for my independence and I love living alone. It will be an adjustment for sure. I just know there is no other man like him. I just know he makes me feel well taken care of and loved and it’s all I could have ever asked for. The biggest thing is that he doesn’t drink or smoke, which is more important to me than I had realized. My sobriety of three years and counting is the key to all my success, and it’s important that I spend my time with someone who is in line with that.

But I digress.

I hope to take him to New York in the Fall and show him what it’s like there on my favorite season. Just having a nice light jacket on with some boots and jeans, walking the streets hand in hand and taking in all the sites would be heaven. He is from Los Angeles, and it’s interesting because I have never been there or experienced it the way he has. Introducing this Cali boy to my East Coast world has been a real treat, and I can say, since this all has been totally unexpected, I get to explore different facets of a relationship I never have before.

Month: June 2024

Thyroid Surgery, More Harm than Good?

Fall in New York City – Change on the Horizon