Claustrophic Today – The World is Enveloping Me

I am feeling closed in. Friends are complaining to me about their lives, I am working too much, and I can’t breathe. I am in such a miserable place; I just am sending out a prayer today for me to find some peace.

I had spoken to God the other day when I was sitting outside, and as the breeze brushed against my skin, I felt that He in all his Glory was listening to little ‘ol me. I know speaking to God doesn’t require such a grandiose set of circumstances, but the only way I really feel connected, (and don’t feel stupid), is when I am His presence like that. People always tell me you can talk to God anywhere anytime, but I’m sorry, if there is chatter everywhere, cars driving past, or just general noise in my space, I can’t speak to God, or at least I can’t be honest how I want to be.

That’s how I feel today, closed in, as if I am stifling in a world where I can’t find peace.

I can’t seem to calm my mind enough to talk to God, or it’s just that this world we live in is just too noisy.

I hope to see my parents today; I have never appreciated them as much as I appreciate them now, which is such a blessing to me. Maybe it’s because I am so ungrateful that I can’t find peace. Things like gratitude lists just don’t work for a person like me. I am too mixed up in “self.” Being recovery is teaching me to me more humble, but old habits die hard. I just have to find a way to “be” with God today, instead of forcing a connection under a specific set of circumstances.

God, grant me the serenity – just to know the difference today.

Stay Tuned.

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